Happy New Years

I hope everyone has a safe and fun NYE, and brings in 2008 with a blast. The next time I blog will probably be on the 2nd or 3rd, when I am back in Muskogee.

Be safe... party hard... and last but not least... BEER ME!

Fool me once, shame on you...

Fool me again... and again... and again... SHAME ON ME.

I won't go into specifics, and I am sure that the person(s) involved here will get the point, but I will no longer play the fool.

I am SO tired of being "that guy"...

Welcome back!

11 visits yesterday hooray!

Welcome back everyone, and to the new visitors, welcome for the first time. Please leave comments for me, because I would like to know what everyone thinks, and as a professional writer (that's awesome to say) I like to have feedback.

So feel free to read the new stuff, check out the old stuff and look forward to the coming attractions. Also feel free to email me at iantownsend32@gmail.com or number32tx@gmail.com with any ideas for the site, things you would like me to write about, or critiques or comments.

And if you're wondering my credentials, here they are:

Associates Degree of Arts in Journalism from Bacone College

Award winning writer/photographer for the Baconian

Writer/photographer/sports copy editor/paginator for the Muskogee Daily Phoenix

So I am qualified. Drop by anytime y'all and enjoy yourselves ya hear?

~Ian

16 and OH!

It's not often you get to see football history in the amounts I've seen lately with the New England Patriots. Now before anyone hauls off calling me a bandwagon rider, lets get the facts straight. I like the Pats, not my favorite team, but a team I do like, respect, and like to see succeed.

Unlike the numerous haters and lovers that have come out this year, my stance on the team remains unchanged. I have liked them since Tom Brady became their QB and like to watch them win, unless they play the Broncos. I will always pick the Broncos over the Pats, even if I know it's hopeless, but that's being a true fan for ya.

Anyways let's get to my assessments.

I think Tom Brady is the best QB in the league and has a chance to be the best ever.



He came in his first year as a sixth-round pick and led the underdog team to an improbable victory. In the 5 years following, he has led them to two more Super Bowl victories, a perfect season, and a shot at an unprecedented 4th SB in 6 years. Tell me he's not the shit.

Bill Belichick makes me laugh. Yes he is an asshole. But you cant deny his ability to coach, and create a TEAM out of superstars. Not a single Patriot talks about themselves as better than the team, and always talk about what the other players are doing while downplaying their own accomplishments. Did Belichick cheat with that whole Spygate scandal? I don't know, and frankly I don't care. Every team steals signals, so give it a rest.

Now let's have a rundown of what New England did this year.

1) First time a team has gone 16-0 during the regular season. The Dolphins went 14-0 in their undefeated season.

2) Broke the single season scoring record with 589 points. The old record was 552.

3) Brady threw 50 TDs, 23 to Randy Moss, both records. (49-Peyton manning, 22-Jerry Rice)

4) 19 straight regular season victories.

Tell me that isn't amazing. Tell me in the era of individuals, cheating, and scandal, a team accomplishment like this isn't huge. Tell me that with a straight face and the chance of eternal damnation.

It also seems the Pats are poised to deliver Beantown its second championship of the season, with the Red Sox delivering earlier this year. If things keep progressing the way they are, the Celts may deliver number 3, earning a city 3 major sport championships in one year for the first time in history. (I think. I will check my facts) The NE Revolution was in the MLS Cup this year as well, but couldn't pull off the win. If only the Bruins woke up from sucking, then it would be the first time a city has won or been in the championship game in every major sport in history... wow right? Of course this is all based on the Pats and Celts doing the probably inevitable, and the Bruins doing the improbable.

As an avid SPORTS fan, such things rarely happen, and witnessing them in my lifetime is amazing. I congratulate the Sox for being baseball's best team and the Pats for making history. Keep up the good work fellas.

*On a side note, I plan on using the weekends to build posts and won't usually post a "real entry" unless it's called for like in this case. I just wanted to let you guys know. And also thanks for reading, and for not giving up on me after such a long layoff. I promise to be more consistent from here on out. Please let your friends know about this site and lets get the Word of the Wolf out to the masses. ~Ian*

Saturday Get Fuzzy

From now on, I will be posting Get Fuzzy comics on the weekends. Just a little humor for you guys and gals.

Hi, my name is Ian, and I am addicted to football...

There I admitted it. The first step to recovery is accepting that you have a... wait a hot minute... who said I wanted to recover? And who drank all the damn gatorade?!

I love football, and I'm ok with this. I have a job specifically designed where I can sit around and talk/write about it. How cool is that? For me its a dream come true... well sort of. I would rather still be playing, but my body said NO, so I'll do what I can to stay "in the game".

I played football for 15 years. Yeah, thats about 2/3 of my life. And I have the scars and injuries to prove it. Why would anyone put themselves through that kind of punishment? LOVE.

As they said in Varsity Blues, "Football isn't a game, it's a way of life". And that's true. Ask anybody who played the game beyond a junior high level. That's when football was more than just a game. It was a JOB. It was the kind of job you wanted to show up for. The kind where you would work your ass off to get that promotion. People (including myself) would go out there and kill themselves in pursuit of what the unknowing simply call a "kids game".

Football is the National Pastime. All of you baseball fans can kiss my ass, because you cant deny the drawing power of the gridiron. When 70,000 people sit in snow flurries to watch two teams battle, that's passion for the game. When 100,000 people wear one color to support their team and psyche out the other team, thats passion for the game. When a whole STATE rallies behind a team because they embody the rebuilding effort that is going on, i.e. the New Orleans Saints last season, thats passion for the game. When MILLIONS tune in around the world, and companies pay out the nose for advertising time just to see which team lifts the Lombardi Trophy, thats passion for the game.

I already failed in my attempt to watch every Bowl game this year, but doesn't mean I wont see all of the ones I can. I watched every second of the Holiday Bowl (after I got home from the movies), and even after the game had been decided, I still watched. I watched the highlights AFTER the game. Yes, the highlights of the game i JUST WATCHED. Then I read the articles for the game the verysame night. Read more this morning. Some might call that obsession, but I call that being a fan, a LONGHORN fan at that.

Also, being a TRUE fan entails one thing: being a constant fan. Pick a team and stick with them, through good and bad. I HATE fair weather fans. When the Longhorns won the National Championship, there were ASSLOADS of Horns fans all the sudden. Now that the Cowboys are good again (puke) there are million of fans coming out of the woodwork. It happens every year when a team gets good. As a true fan, I hate when people's allegiances shift so easily. Pick it and stick with it.

So here a re a few guidelines for Football Fanhood.
1) Pick a team and support them at all times, no matter what. There are cases where you can revoke your support, but it must be an eternal revoking, such as I used to be a Cowboys fan, until they fired Jimmy Johnson, and I remain a stout hater of the Cowgirls.
2) You must know no less than 10 things about your team that might come up in trivia questions. Such as: Did you know that the Longhorns have the current longest streak in the NCAA for ten win seasons at 7?
3) You must know (at least) the starters for your team(s), and any major player who has been on your team. Example: Jamaal Charles is the starting running back for the Horns, and plays a position that was once home to Earl Campbell, Ricky Williams, and Cedric Benson, Cot McCoy plays quarterback, and succeeded Heisman runner-up and National Chamionship MVP VInce Young, who left a season early to play in the NFL (Tennessee Titans).
4) You must wear team colors on game day.
5) Whether by an inch or a mile, a win is a win, and it is totally fine to rub it in the faces of fans of the beaten team. In fact it is obiligatory.
6) It is ok to be a sore loser, because it shows true fanhood.
7) yell at the TV, radio, or at the game. It doesn't matter if they can hear you or not, it's the thought that counts.
8) Getting hammered after a win or a loss will happen. The outcome will determine the drink, pace, and depth of the hammering.
9) Blaming the refs for a bad call is ok. Blaming the refs every time your team loses is not. Sooners fans take note of this rule.
10) Lastly, in a life or death situation, it is NOT ok to claim another team or forsake yours. Just remember, you have to pay for your sins in the afterlife, and welching on your team at any time is a hellworthy trespass.

So now you know what it takes to be a true fan. Now you realize the depth of the National obsession. I as well as millions of others, love football. If you haven't had a chance to get in on the fun, I suggest you try. You'll find that it's one of the best ways to spend your time, and it doesn't require medication, rehab, exercise, or anything more than a passion for it.

So to the rest of the true fans out there, especially the Longhorns and Denver Broncos fans... HERES TO YOU!

I don't care, I really dont...

If you're expecting any humor, stop reading this post now. I'll write a funny one later.

Is it just me, or does it seem like the media is being more and more invasive on peoples lives these days? As a member of the media, I have to say it kind of sickens me. I am a private person, so I naturally believe that a persons privacy is sacred, even if they are ultra-mega-superstars. There a re a few things called respect and decency that are no longer required by society.

I don't care who has been sleeping with who, what they are or aren't wearing (In several cases, many popular females forget their undergarments), What they are eating, what they are shopping for, where they are spending vacation, and whether they are pregnant and who the baby daddy is.

So what if Jessica Simpson, in her true blonde idiot glory, is dating Tony Romo, and perhaps costing him the game against Philly? Does it affect MY life?

So what if the Spears family is the biggest group of famous trailer trash ever? Am I the father of Jamie Lynne's baby? Well... actually it might be possible...

Why is so much of our time and interest invested in people whose lives consist of shopping, eating, lounging on some beach, sleeping around, and occasionally acting or singing for MILLIONS of $$$? Wouldn't our time be better spent on our families and friends? Or maybe on more worthy causes such as the state of our world in general? Couldn't the money that we pay these spoiled brats go to better things such as the education of our youth? I would rather pay a teacher a million bucks a year to teach children how to read and write, than pay some bitch or asshole that money to entertain me. Does anyone else realize that the practice players (scout team for those sport inclined readers of my blog) of ANY sport get paid more than any teacher around? (Scout teamers in the NFL earn a base salary of $400,000, while a teacher of 25 years might get around $100,000 if they are VERY lucky.)

It really sickens me. So to all of those overpaid stars and starlets, FUCK YOU. To all of those people who waste their lives following these people around with cameras or spend too much time telling the world about them, FUCK YOU. To all of those people who waste their lives keeping up with the daily gossip and what stupid thing Britney Spears is up to today, FUCK YOU.

You are all perpetuating the cycle in this downward spiral called society. Get some damn decency. And I know, I will get the obligatory comment that says "If you don't care then why are you writing all of this? Obviously you DO care." so now that I have covered that, there is no need.

I'M DONE.

*gets down off soapbox*

Back by popular demand

So it has been a ong time since I posted anything with substance. The truth is, I haven't felt like writing. I suppose when you write for a living, all of your recreational writing tends to take a backseat.

BUT

I decided that writing for fun helps keep my skills sharpened, and also is exactly what it's meant for... FUN.

So here we go.

As a few of you have heard, I'm finished with school (for now). I finished all of my course work and will walk in May for my Associates in Journalism. An A.A degree is pretty much a joke for me, considering I spent 4 years in school for it. Yes, I changed my degree 3 or 4 times, but still... Anyways, I PLAN on pursuing a Bachelors at the very least, but I don't know when. I'm sure it will happen sometime, but unless one of my jobs wants/needs me to, then I won't be planning it for anytime soon, i.e. within the next 6 months.

I am enjoying my job as a sports agate clerk/sports copy editor at the Muskogee Phoenix. To check out some of my work, simply go to muskogeephoenix.com and search for me. You'll find my stuff. I'm hoping that my job will become a full-time one soon, but I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. So keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, pray, or do whatever to send good vibes my way.

I am enjoying being home for an extended period of time. this is the first time since last Christmas that I have been home for more than 3 days. I got to see family and friends, and most importantly relax. I also hope to see my girlfriend, Renee when she comes down for New Years. Now if I can just talk Christel into coming up here, the New Years Bash will be complete...

Oh and yes, you read the above right... I am dating someone. Her name is Renee, she is 26 and lives in Shawnee, OK. Anyone who has ever heard Oklahoma Girl by the Eli Young Band would know that the song is TOTALLY fitting. If you haven't heard said song, do check it out.

ALSO, as plans stand, I will be seeing 2 concerts within 8 days of each other, On Feb. 29, I will be seeing a band I have managed to miss on numerous occasions, Linkin Park in OKC, then will be going to Austin to see the Dropkick Murpys on March 7 with the best sister in the whole world. So I'm excited.

Well that about wraps up the updates for me. It's been a crazy ride lately and I hope to keep everyone more updated and treat you to the best I can come up with to keep you entertained.

Stay tuned...

Oh and by the way, HOW BOUT THEM HORNS! They drubbed Arizona State tonight, and for all those jackasses out there... Texas STILL owns the streak for consecutive 10 win seasons (7), and Mack Brown is the winningest coach in the last 12 years with 122 victories. Eat that Sooner fans!

The transformation is complete...

I am now a Mac owner.

Yeah, that's right.



That my friends is a MacBook Pro. A fine piece of machinery if I may say so myself.

So needless to say, my Christmas went well.

How was yours?

Lookit

Ok so...

The next Baconian issue will contain the following things by moi.

1) Front Page article and picture

2) Feature Story

3) Movie Review

4) Sports Story on Basketball and picture

5) Sports Story on Soccer

6) Football Picture

7) Sports Column

8) Page 7 layout

9) Page 8 layout

10) Sports Round-up

11) Possible feature photo(s) of our Fall Pow Wow

Can you say "Ian Townsend" issue?

I need a alot of beer... like now. Who wants to celebrate my birthday with me this weekend?

2 for you

TWO THINGS

Two names you go by:
1. Wolf
2. That Guy

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. Under armour pull over
2. jeans

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. watch movies
2. drink beer

Two things you want very badly at the moment.
1. a Macbook pro
2. canon rebel xt

Name of two pets:
1. Shadow
2. Jacks

Name 2 people who will fill this out:
1. You
2. me

Two things you did last night:
1. worked
2. got laid

Two things you ate today:
1. burger
2. chips

Two people you last talked to:
1. carey
2. shack

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. school
2. writing

Two longest car rides
1. muskogee to peru nebraska
2. muskogee to bumfuck Tennessee

Favorite holidays
1. my birthday (should be a national holiday in my opinion)
2. st patricks day

Two favorite beverages
1. beer
2. dr pepper

Guess who's front page....

http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/archivesearch/local_story_270015101.html

Not only front page of the Sport section, but the centerpiece article. Also they used the picture for the flag (Newspapers header). If you would like to see an actual copy of said story/photo/flag, do let me know and I will send it to you.

Im moving up in the world of news.

Pulitzer here I come.

My first article/picture as a Muskogee Phoenix staff writer...

http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/sports/local_story_264005612.html

Check it out.

~Ian

Hey guess what?

I just got named Newspaper Editor for the Baconian. Last spring i served as the Online Editor, but I have now taken over as the Newspaper Editor. neat huh?

You should read some of my stuff.

http://new.bacone.edu/mambo

Or check out my photos.

http://new.bacone.edu/AthGallery

All of my pictures are in an album BACONE FOOTBALL 2007.

Check em

Love em

Thats all for now.

~Ian

Lesson for the day

Leave the past alone.

Let it be what it is... past.

as SIS put it... Yank off the rearview.

I got a whole dose of why I need to leave shit alone when it's gone.... and I always forget how much it sucks.

But another lesson learned.

Insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result.

No wonder people call me crazy.

Coming to you live from the Muskogee Phoenix newsroom....

Yeah, so I finally got my internship pushed through.

So here I am on a friday night, working at a newspaper.

Dreams slowly coming true....

Moving up on that ol' journalism ladder...

World domination here I come...

Hi, my name is Ian... it's been a while since I've been here...

It has been far too long since I have posted! So here I am ready to talk about the goings on in my life.

Work has been busy. I enjoy working at my new store in Muskogee. People are friendly, and alot more receptive than Tulsa shoppers.

I've been hyper-busy with the newspaper stuff. I went to New Mexico this weekend for the Bacone game (which of course they lost) and have not had a day off in there abouts of a month. If I'm not shooting pictures or writing, I am working. Theres barely time to drink and party anymore!

I love my new apartment, and enjoy being on my own, mostly self supporting (my dad helps me out here and there) and it's nice to just have my own place.

I miss my friends in Tulsa, some more than others, miss my family and friends in Texas and can't wait to see them again.

I'm doing well in every other respect. I'm lonely at the moment, but I've gotten used to it. I am enjoying life, and can honestly say i am happy.

Thats all for now, more posts to come sooner than later hopefully!

~Ian

With You

I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static, and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I’m pretending to be where I’m not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
So even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back

[Bridge:]
It’s true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me

[Chorus:]
I’m with you
You
Now I see keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes

I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn’t real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
So even though you’re close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back

[Bridge]

[Chorus x2]

No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come, I
I can't wait to see tomorrow

[Chorus x2]

Sorry is just a word

I'm sorry for SOME of the things I did
I'm sorry for SOME of the things I said
Only because they hurt you, which is not what was intended

I'm NOT sorry for the way I feel
I'm NOT sorry that I care
Because I do not regret my feelings.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be whatever it is you wanted.
I'm NOT sorry that I won't change who I am

You live, you learn, you love, you lose, you move on.

We cannot live our lives based on the past, but based on the now and the future. You learn from your mistakes, and grow accordingly. I have grown alot in the past few years, possibly more than most, and through all of those growing pains, Ive learned this. You can only trust others once you trust yourself. If you have no faith in yourself, you can accomplish nothing.

I have faith in myself, and thats why I am able to keep moving forward, despite setbacks I may encounter. I have three jobs, two of which are huge opportunities to move me forward in journalism, I enjoy what I do for a living, and I look forward to doing it every day, I will soon have my own apartment, and I have a great family and great friends.

I want for little in this life, but I have learned that to get what you want, you don't have to change who you are to get it. I have spent too much time molding myself to others, instead of finding someone who fits me how I am. It's time for me to set myself and my ways, and let someone fit the puzzle piece instead of fitting the puzzle to them.

So sorry is just a word to me. Yes it means something, but not as much as actions and feelings do. Sorry implies regret, which I never do. Everything happens for a reason, and for some reason things happen. We must deal with them, learn, and move on. That's life.

I am sorry for some things, but not in the way you think. I am only sorry that it affected you negatively, but not sorry I did them.

Oh and a small side note, I just want to let all of my friends and family know that without you, I am nothing. You have supported me through the worst of things and the best of things, and I can never thank you enough.

Not sorry for being me, just sorry you are gone.

To no one in particular...

But to everyone who means/meant something to me who I never see...

I MISS YOU.

~Ian

Good news for once

Ok, so I just got the job as the reporter/photographer for the Bacone Football Team, which means I will get more scholarship money, and also I will be helping design and build the new Bacone Athletic Website, which will also give me more money. On top of that, I will be interning for the Muskogee Phoenix, and get paid for the stories I write and the pictures I take.

Alas, this will bring to end my time in Tulsa. I will be moving to Muskogee as soon as possible, and transferring to the Office Depot down there. I am really excited for these opportunities, because it will help me start my career in journalism off right.

See.... good things can happen!

Musings of a broken person

Is it wrong to care more for others than you do yourself?

Is it bad to risk your heart and soul for others?

Is it right to always give everything you are for another?

I miss being happy.

I miss being in love.

I miss feeling like everything is right in the world.

I miss my whole, unbroken heart, and my unblemished soul

I miss my family

I miss my friends

I miss believing in something

I feel empty and broken

I feel ripped and torn

I miss you

I miss me

I miss everything

I miss everyone

I just want to be happy

Is that too much to ask?

I'm tired

I'm upset

I'm hurt

I'm disappointed

I want answers but all I get is silence

All I hear is the tortured voices in my head

I'm not looking for sympathy

I'm simply looking to let it out

I'm simply releasing the built up angst and hurt

And trying to move on

Thank you for reading

Thank you for caring

I'm going to go work on fixing myself now

Goodbye

A sad ending

It doesn't rhyme, but it doesn't have to. Enjoy.

It was great while it lasted
But it was gone too soon
You walked away and left me empty handed
You left without a word
Without looking back

I don't know why this happened
But I know its the way things are
I'm sorry for whatever it is I did
and hope you can forgive me

I wish the best for you
And will always remember you
What we had could have been great
But it wasn't to be

I hope you are happy
And I hope you aren't sad
I want you to know I think of you
And its never anything bad

I will remember the good times
No matter how brief they were
And I will forget the bad things
Because they are unimportant

So we are both moving on
I wish you the best
I hope its only goodbye for now
And not forever.

Ordinary

Whose eyes am I behind
I don’t recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design
I don’t want this to be the way that you see me

I don’t understand anything anymore
In this world that I’m tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It’s anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need where's mine
‘Cause your what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one look what you’ve done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You’re just a kid
You weren’t ready for what you did

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need where's mine
‘Cause you what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

I think im trying to save the world from you
You’ve been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)
Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)

Veritas

Veritas is the Latin word for Truth.

Let's discuss.

I am a big believer in total honesty. Lets not be fools here though, I know better than to think I or anyone else for that matter is ALWAYS 100% honest. But that aside, I think that honesty is one of the highest virtues.

I will almost always be honest about something, regardless of the situation, and sometimes can be bluntly or brutally honest. It's just my nature. So is it bad I expect the same from others?

If you ask me something, then I will give you my honest answer. Yes it does get me in trouble, because often I tell people things they don't want to hear. Often I will say too much. I don't know any other way. I don't see the point in being false, fake, or disillusioning people. I believe everyone deserves the truth.

So if you ask me what I think about something or someone, expect the truth. If you ask how I feel about something or someone, expect the truth. If you ask my opinion, expect the truth. Don't ask me something, and expect me to bullshit you. It simply wont happen.

So if you hear words coming out of my mouth, or see things I write, then know it is true. If I tell you something, it is my honest truth. Some people choose to live their lives shrouded in lies and deceit, but I refuse.

Let us be honest and truthful... Do not hide things or say false things. Do not let your true feelings be hidden away. Trust me, it leads to the worst of things. I have a terrible need to trust... and it is really hard when I cannot trust someone. So make things easy for both of us... and be honest. Know I will always be honest with you... can you always be honest with me?

Veritas... it is a way of life.

Control Freak

I hate not being in control of myself, my feelings, or my actions. It happens very very rarely, but it usually happens all at once.

Usually I am very in control of myself. I know what I am doing, feeling, thinking and can pretty much keep myself in check.

Not today. Today's stress triggers set me off, and I was kinda out of control today. Nothing bad or damaging, just enough to piss me off.

Going back to school, dealing with my everyday hassles, and the thought of driving 50 miles everyday tweaked me today. Also going back to school and dealing with the endless bullshit there pushed me. Then me just being totally stupid today was the final straw.

So anyways I was just a weirdo today... I was up and down, hot and cold, back and forth, and there was simply nothing I could do about it. Outwardly, I'm sure very few people noticed, because I have been hiding my emotions and thought for far too long to not be good at it. I know some people saw it, or were involved in it directly. Very sorry to those who are in that group...

But yeah, I had my one day to be out of control. I had my one day of being a total mental case, but I'm ok now.

Stress is a bitch no?

Falling...

Ever felt like you stepped off a cliff, you're heart is in your throat, and despite being scared, you can't help but be thrilled?

Yeah I'm falling at the moment. Not too fast, not too slow... just steadily falling into the unknown. While some may apply this to one thing or another, it isn't an exclusive thing. Alot of things are involved, and are collectively responsible for this venture into the unknown future.

I'm incredibly scared, worried, apprehensive, nervous, horrified, and petrified of what will happen.

Will I hit bottom?

Will I be saved?

Will I fall into a wonderful world?

Will I end up where I want? Will I change direction or meet some new plan?

Will I never stop?

I don't know the answers to this, but the more I think about the funny feeling in my chest, the breathlessness, I know that it has to end well. I hope to death it does. There is not much of my shattered heart, hopes, and dreams that remain to survive this fall if it ends badly.

So here I am falling away... waiting to find out where it will go. Waiting to know what will happen. Will someone join me or save me? Will I fall alone? I don't know... I will just have to wait for the answers.

And to YOU, and you know whom I mean.
Everything I told you is true, and honest from the bottom of my heart. I cannot and will not lie to you, and cannot and will not treat you in any way but the best I know how. I know you have been mistreated, and have thoughts and ideas of how this can end up, but you aren't alone. I share the same... and I will fight along side you to beat those things down, and to let things be fresh and new, and not be judged by past events. I know it will take time for you to believe this, to accept it as truth, and I am willing to wait that time. You are worth that wait. I just hope that you return the same treatment to me... That you are always honest and true no matter what.

I give this to you, and not lightly. I give it with the deepest of true meaning, and I want you to know that. I'm not asking the world from you... far from that. I am asking you to just be you, and let us be us. No terms, limits, titles, rules, nothing. Just let things fall as they may. Don't be afraid to jump... I will be there to catch you.

New Beginnings

It's not everyday you happen upon a second chance, or a new beginning. Sometimes, things just happen to fall in your lap at the most odd moment.

It always sucks when you lose something or someone and you feel like it/they are gone forever. You wish you could have done things differently, wish things had transpired other than they did. Eventually you accept it and move on. Sometimes, you get to try again. Sometimes that thing or person comes back into your life, and you get the chance you didn't get before.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. I know that everything has its purpose and its time, and you just have to wait to find it out. As much as you may hate waiting, may hate not knowing why, it will come to you with time and wisdom. Sometimes the time isn't right, or the situation is wrong. Sometimes things just aren't stable or cohesive enough. For whatever reason, things may leave us... but they can come back, at the right time, the right place.

I was recently granted a new beginning with someone I thought was lost to me. It hurt me to lose them, and I did ask why it happened, and received no answers. Time passed, and I moved on. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I, out of the blue, contact that person and we begin to talk again. We have both changed, matured, grown up. We have so much more in common, and our feelings are different this time. We realize that we have something great, and while we regret that it did not come earlier, we both know it came at the right time. It was a new beginning between the two of us, and I could not be happier.

She has made me a better man and I hope I have made her the better as well. Why did she come back into my life? I don't know. I am not going to question it though. I'm going to let things happen as they may, and just ride the tide.

The brooding, slightly unhappy, melancholy, mopey Ian has gone away. I have a lightness about me now, and it is thanks to this newest of beginnings.

The moral of this story is simple. Things can change in a heartbeat, and you have to always be ready. What you think was gone may come back again, when the timing is perfect. Don't lose hope for the things that seem impossible or unreachable. Know that there is always that chance that you can have what you can only hope and dream for.

I dreamt of having someone in my life that makes me happy and cares about me. I have that now. So always keep hope in your heart, and smile, because you never know when the sun will shine on you again and give you a new beginning.

Grand Theft Blog Survey

I stole this from someone... They shall remain anonymous....



A - Available? Not in the slightest

B - Best Friend(s) - Derreck, Bryan, Ronnie, Vince, and my SEEESTUR

C - Crush - Alice

D - Dad's Name - Russell

E - Easiest Person To Talk To - My friends... all of em, thats why they are my friends, dur.

F - Favorite Band(s)- Linkin Park and the Eagles

G - Gummy Bears Or Worms- Trolli Brite Crawlers Biznatch!

H - Hometown - Dallas aka D-Town aka DTX

I - Instrument - I cant play any but I'd go with guitar fo sho

J - Job - tech salesman at the moment... and interning sports writer/photographer

K - Kids - none

L - Longest Car Ride - Car ride, LA to SF. Bus ride, Muskogee to Bumfuck Kentucky... yes it's a real place, right past middle of nowhere, and wherethefuckarewe.

M - Milk Flavor - chocolate

N - Number Of Siblings - 2 half, 2 step... no one full blooded. I broke the mold! ;)

O - One Wish - All encompassing happiness

P - Phobias - Clowns, spiders, and uncomfortable social situations

Q - Favorite Quote - "Jack in the Box... Enough Said." - Alice

R - Reason To Smile - Family and Friends, along with other various moments in time

S - Song You Last Heard? - Your Song- Elton John

T - Time You Woke Up - 9ish

U - Unknown Fact About Me - If I told it wouldn't be unknown now would it?

V - Vegetable - Favorite: POTATOES. Im irish, gimme a break....

W - Worst Habits - Lack of trust in most people, procrastination, and being overly critical.

X - X-Rays You've Had - Um.... I'm pretty sure I glow in the dark from the number of X-rays I've had.

Y - Your Favorite Food - Pizza, potatoes, and beef

Z - Zodiac Sign - Scorpio

Spider Pig

Spider Pig... Spider Pig...
Does whatever a Spider Pig does...
Can he swing from a web?
No he can't...
He's a Pig...
Watch out...
He is the Spider Pig...

A Poem for YOU

It's not award winning material, but it is short, sweet, and to the point. Enjoy.

The shine in your eyes,
brings a smile to my face,
and the sound of your laugh,
touches me deep in a very special place.

I think of you and find my self happy,
Of your touch that sets fire in my chest,
Your presence that lightens my day,
And your presence that brings out my very best.

With you, I have come forth from a cold dreary world,
to a place in which my joy can be unfurled.

I'm a man who believes in the depth of true emotion,
and to the ever present feel of true devotion.

You have made a new man of me in this time,
And have even made me begin to speak in rhyme.

So thank you, for all that you do,
And for most simply, just being you.

Happiness has found a home in my heart
And its the thing I've wished for from the very start.

Guess What...

I found a good one...

YAY

Deathly Hallows

WOW.

That's all there is to really say about it. Go buy it, and read. You will understand...

Whatever

I tried to get some audience participation going with my last post, and the lack of response tells me 2 things. 1) no one reads this blog, or 2) no one cares to comment or help me out.

Whatever.

So therefore, Im not going to post anything else for a while... or at least anything that is wasting my time to write.

Have a nice day.

Someone tell me why...

All the good ones are taken?

This is discussion time. So feel free to answer this question how you would like... Doesn't matter what it is or what you say... just answer. I want everyone's thoughts on this before I write my diatribe explaining the question.

Don't we all love group activities?

Week in Review...

I need a day off from work. Yeah I know, everyone complains about their job and how they are overworked, but its not that. The assholes scheduled me with long shifts 8 days in a row. I like my job, pays well, and is fun most of the time, but sometimes, you just need a day to sleep and be a lazy ass.

But other than that life is going swimmingly.

I finally got a new computer monitor and desk, as well as a way to get internet, so Im typing this from myveryownpersonal computer. No more borrowing other peoples. Sheesh.

Ive been hanging out with the MOST AMAZING friend lately as well. Unfortunately she didn't dance this weekend like she was supposed to... but not her fault... her belly dancing troop contains a few stupid people... But we've still been hanging out alot and having alot of fun.

Also my group of Tulsa friends has grown again. A few more people are now on my list of people I can hang out with. Not that I dont spend pretty much all my free time with Baily or Wade, but now if they are busy I have other options. I'm not so much of a loser anymore!

And through various other posts, you know what happened the rest of the week. So yeah... heres to another fun filled week full of action and adventure.

~Ian

The Things I'd Do For You

If you were mine,
I would love you like no other.

If you were mine,
We would always have each other.

When times got hard,
We would always have someone to turn to.

And when times are good,
We would always have someone to share them with.

We would laugh,
We would talk,
We would fight,
We would walk,
We would smile,
We would cry,
We would love,
We would fly.

If you were mine,
You would be my everything.

But until I find you,
I can only dream.

My Newest of Friends...

So not too long ago, I happened upon a very interesting person. Someone who I enjoy spending time with, talking to, laughing with, and have a generally good time with. She's rather cool. We have alot in common, share alot of the same things, and are also different in ways that interest us even more in each other. To say there is a connection is an understatement.

This brings me to the broken bridge.

As is my way, I've found the person I cannot have. Why I can't will remain between myself and her, but besides that little mis-step, I cannot say one bad thing about the relationship she and I have.

So anyways, let me tell you about the woman that is Baily. She is a belly dancer... yes you read that right. She's also a really free spirited person... laid back, chilled out, and does not give a FUCK. She is who she is, and if you don't like it... Sorry 'bout ya. That's one reason I really like her. She is the way I am... she is her own person and wont let anyone tell her different. She's crazy, bitchy, funny, cool, happy, stressed out, relaxed, fun, etc. Shes totally down to earth but still has her head in the clouds.... but isn't that the way to be? She also is becoming my muse. The girl inspires me, but that also seems to simply be her way. She is everything I look for in a friend and companion on my path in this life.

So to Baily... welcome to the elite club that is my best of friends. Its a small small group and I let few in. And thanks for letting me into your world too.

Writing...

I am currently working on two books. Yes... BOOKS. While I want to write for newspapers and be a journalist, I want to eventually write books, and I'm starting now. I know it's going to take a while to get my ideas out on paper, and worthwhile to show to the public, but it will be worth it. I also wouldn't mind writing scripts either, but that's another story... no pun intended.

ANYWAYS... I just thought I would let everyone know about my plans and how they are progressing, and if anyone REALLY wants to know the plot lines I have so far, and may want to help me work, twiddle, fidget, and mess with them, let me know. I'm not one of those people who doesn't accept help or criticism. I welcome it, so bring it on.

For the curious, I will give you the title so far A.K.A. the working title... and a the genre of the novel.

The Guilds: Sci-Fi/fantasy set in medieval times

Cold Blood: Mystery Thriller

I know.... totally opposite ends of the spectrum, but that's me...

So if anyone wants the low down or wants to help... just let me know.

And to those who have ALWAYS supported me in my endeavors... thanks for the continuance of the support... I need it.

And Sis... we need to write our book too.... cause it just has to happen. the world NEEDS it.

That's all for now.

~Ian

Mr. Movie Guy and the Order of the Phoenix

So I got to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. You're jealous, I know. I did have to wait in line for an hour and a half with a whole lot of really strange people, but it was WORTH IT.

OOTP was very well done. It, like its predecessors, had to pack an enormously large amount of book into a 2 1/2 hour movie, so naturally things were left out, altered, or completely made up. It's cool though because it was still great. Now realize this. I was seeing the movie after reading the book, so I could make connections, see what they left out, and follow the movie, knowing what was coming next. Had I not had prior knowledge, there could have been some "getting lost" in the plot lines. But despite anything that can detract from this movie, what it boasts far outweighs it.

The acting was superb. The trio of Harry, Ron, and Hermione were played to the t. I still don't like Michael Gambon as Dumbeldore as much as Richard Harris, but I don't think Harris would have been suited for the later Dumbeldore character due to the nature of the action he's involved in. Still, Gambon just doesn't strike me as the Dumbeldore I read about in the books. Umbridge was played perfectly. She was as nasty, hateful, and conniving as in the book, although she did not look like a toad, but who's complaining really? Dudley simply looked like a damn fool. I can't say I was unhappy with the director cutting out the Dursleys in the 4th movie, but I'm certainly glad they were kept to a small part in OOTP. Everyone else did a good job in their roles as well. I think it is funny how everyone in the movie got a haircut between GOF and OOTP.

The special effects were phenomenal as always and the only thing I wish they would bring back is Quidditch. It was so fun to watch... but oh well, sacrifices must be made.

OOTP is definitely in the running as the best Potter film, along with POA but time will tell. I'm glad to hear they have signed David Yates to direct HBP and have made sure at this point everyone will be returning. There seemed to be speculation that some characters would not reprise their roles, but that rumor has been squashed.

All in all, OOTP is a good movie, and worth watching in theatres more than once, and owning when it comes out on DVD.

Only 10 more days until Deathly Hallows is out on bookshelves...

Fuckin Typos.... and other fun observations into my life

I've noticed recently, I make a small amount of mistakes when I write. Its not totally obvious, and I'm sure everyone gets the point of my words, but when I go back to read it, after I've already released it to the world... it bugs the SHIT out of me. Alas, I know I am human, and I make mistakes, but for a future pro writer... it's annoying. Sorry, but I felt the need to complain for a second.

OK, on to the real stuff I planned on writing.

Raise your hand if you are happy, right now at this very second. It's OK I'll wait for those who are unsure.

*pauses for a moment*

If I am as omnipresent as I think I am, not many of you raised your hand, or at least not more than half-heartedly. It's OK... I can't claim pure happiness either. While I am quite content with parts of my life, I am not so with others. Natural state of being. Anyone who is totally happy with everything in their life is either medicated or psychotic... and should be medicated.

My point is that after all these years... I have accepted the fact I can't be totally happy. Perhaps for a split second, I can achieve full happiness, (usually in the moment of climax... but isn't that true for all of us?) but otherwise, there is always something to keep you from being all-emcompassingly (yes I made the word up, deal with it) happy. I have a decent job (its a part time gig...ends when I get a "real" job) that pays bills, at which I've showed a proficiency and even garnered a $1.35 raise after two months, and a relatively steady personal life that doesn't consist of me sitting at home all the time. I have friends, I have a great family, and I am generally content with my existence. But things are missing from my life puzzle (B can take credit for that analogy). I want things but they aren't within my grasp... or perhaps they are... I just can't bring myself to reach for them. Its maddening, but I've learned that its the nature of the beast. My sister will love this... A certain Rolling Stones song reminds me of this.

You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need

So yeah I have chilled out on trying to find perfect happiness, and have settled into a life of just being content and being OK with it. The road of life is paved with both happiness and sadness, so we just have to learn to accept our share of both, and know that in the end, those happy times will outweigh the bad.

In other news...

I don't miss playing sports all that much. Maybe it's the nagging pain in my back and neck, but I just don't really feel the itch to play like I normally would this time of year. Maybe I have realized my dreams of playing sports any longer are over, or maybe I'm getting older, wiser, and more conscious of wanting to live my life out of a wheelchair. Sure I miss it, but who wouldn't? I at least will still be involved with sports, albeit writing about it or taking pictures, but maybe that's where I am supposed to be. When I found journalism, it took away the sting of the possibility of not doing sports anymore. It gave me a path to follow where I control my destiny, and can still involve myself in things I am interested in. I have made a list of goals for my future and here they are.

1. Own my own publishing company and photo studio.

2. Write novels.

3. Travel the world.

That's it, that's my list. Achievable no? So instead of my life being a sprint... its become a marathon. I am not setting forth on the path to MY future, and only God knows what it holds. For someone who had his life planned out, it was a huge struggle to accept this change, but it's been nothing but a good thing since it happened. I've become more flexible, more accepting of change, and now allow myself to do what I feel in my heart is right. It's liberating. I now follow my own path, one I built for myself. I've got my hiking boots for when the road gets rough, my jacket for when it rains or gets cold, and my suntan lotion for when the sun shines on me. I'm ready to go forth and be the man I was destined to be... ME.

So this post ran a bit longer than expected, but what am I to do when the muse descends? Anyways I hope to be a more regular poster than I have been and with increased computer time, I can be. So check in often.... I might just post something for you to enjoy.

~Ian

A Son's Tribute to his Father

I was racking my brain thinking of what to get my dad for Father's Day. What would convey my love for him more than anything else? To put it simply... nothing money can buy. What will a sappy card or a gift certifcate show? It's funny... at holidays I used to be like every other kid... I wanted shit. Now I am more like my dad... he would rather have to company and love of those closest to his heart. I am unable to do one of those this year (company) but I can show my love.

As I hav grown, matured, and lived over these past 22 years, I have come to appreciate, respect, and love my dad more and more. He has been unwavering... always behind me, supporting me, pushing me forward in whatever it is I choose to do, whether he agrees with it or not. I know it has killed him knowing that I have finally called it quits on sports. Regardless... he has stood behind me in my new endeavors. He talks to me with excitement about my future. He is as committed to seeing me succeed in photojournalism as he was for football. He knows I love what I do, and knows Im damn good at it, and it makes him proud to see my achieve amazing things.

He stood beside me in the best of times and the worst, always pulling, pushing, dragging me forward. He has done more than anyone else in my life and has never once given up on me. In all the chances he had, he refused, and worked even harder to see the best in me.

He understands me in a way that shocks and amazes me and we share a connection that words are of no importance. We feel each others moods from even hundreds of miles away, and are always in constant contact.

Lets not fool ourselves. He isn't perfect, but then again who is? There were times when he wasn't there... when he wasn't supporting me, but he works even harder now to make up for it. I done hold anything against him... our past is littered with good times and bad, but I dont regret any of it. I love him even more for the flaws he has, and for his ability to know he has them, and to try and overcome them. He doesn't hide who he is, or what he is, but wears it proudly, and badges of honor. He has survived more than most people and came out better than before.

If I had one wish... on request of God, it would be that I could be half the father my dad has been. Its because of the love that my dad gave me, that I can't wait to be a father, and to raise a son on whom I can bestow all the knowledge and love that my father has given me.

People always speak of heroes and role models. They pick celebrities, athletes, teachers, etc. I never had to look past my own home. I had a hero living with me... MY hero.

Dad... I love you with all of my heart, and thank you for everything youve given me. Youve been a better father, friend, and man than you will ever know. Without you... I would not be here... and I know without me... you wouldn't be either. I miss you every day, and wish I could tell you this face to face. I wish I could sit with you, and just talk like we used to. The time will come around again soon... but for now, let these words be the messenger. No father could ever take your place... and you are the person I look to in my times of need. You are the man who I learn from, and whom I will model when I have a son of my own.

Dad I love you... and this Fathers Day... be reminded that you are very much appreciated.

And know that whenever I look at my left wrist I am reminded of you. (you'll see soon enough)

This is my tribute to you, Russell George Townsend, and the father you were, are, and always will be.

Your son,
Ian

My Feet Hurt...

I forgot how much it killed your feet/knees/legs/back walking on concret for 5-8 hours a day. But other than that, work is pretty fun and hell Im even kinda good at it. (Ive been the top seller in the store 3 times since Ive been working there) Not bad for the first 3 weeks huh?

Anyways its been a while since Ive written... I figured I would catch people up.

Still nothing on all my stolen goods

First paycheck comes tomorrow!

I miss my friends and family that i never get to see anymore.

Im so done with school... I cant wait until december so I can be done with it for real.

Also December is when I move to.... wait for it... AUSTIN.

Im saving up to buy a laptop... Im taking donations to help speed up the process... all donations will be repaid when I can...

And last but not least...

I need a girlfriend. (Its been too long...)

Anyways thats the updates. Not much but its something. I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend... and also I would like to request that everyone keep my sister's mom Beth in their thoughts and prayers.

Thats all for now.

You can return to your normal daytime programming.

~Ian

Updates...

Here are the links to the two articles and 1 picture I took for the Muskogee Phoenix during the Baseball tourney in Dallas.

http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/sports/local_story_122005306.html

http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/sports/images_sizedimage_123004402/resources_photoview

http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/archivesearch/local_story_124010231.html

What a week...

but it didnt end well. I came back to my dorm room to find the deadbolt I locked before leaving mysteriously unlocked. Then I opened my door to find multiple items missing. My flat screen tv... gone. My flat screen computer monitor... gone. My speaker system... gone. My broken laptop, my movies (all 300 of them), my digital camera, my football visors, my dvd player/recorder... gone. So I went through the bullshit of filing reports with the sheriffs department, and talking to all the right people, and found out that no one, i repeat NO ONE saw ANYTHING. How can no one see people walking out with all of my stuff? That TV was a heavy awkward item... not the easiest thing to take but no one saw it... but alas its all "stuff" and I'll eventually get some sort of reimbursment for it... obviously not enough to replace it fully, or to put back the trust I lost in the school or my former teammates but it will be something.

Anyways Im living in Tulsa now... I'm staying with a friend at the moment until I get my own place. I have a job that starts monday dependant on the results from my background check and drug test. I also have another job I might be doing starting in june, but who knows. Ive gotten drunk every night Ive been in tulsa with the exception of sunday, but its been a good time so far.

So yeah thats about it at the moment. I miss my friends that I dont get to see anymore... I miss my sister... I miss my dad and step mom... I miss texas... I can't wait for december because I will show my back to oklahoma and be moving to austin. I cant wait...

Anyways I love all of you that take the time to read my stuff... and I love everyone who means something to me... because without you or your support... who knows where I would be right now.

Adios for now....

"Wolf"

Can you believe this?

Ok... it's not often that you get fabulous opportunities that you never expect.

After spending 12 hours finishing up the newspaper, Vince and I accompanied our advisor to the Muskogee Phoenix (the local paper) to give them our layout so they could have it printed. We were shown around and met the sports editor, Mike Kays. After telling him all we do, and letting him know I'm interested in working there this summer, he mentioned that he was trying to find someone who would go to Dallas to take pictures and write stories on the Red River Athletic Conference baseball tournament that our baseball team is involved in. Vince and I said we would do it, because it was in Dallas and I could stay at home for the trip. The only sticking point was taking my exams earlier than scheduled. Well the 4 of us talked about it further and decided to try to see if we could get it done.

That was Wednesday night. Fast forward to present.

Vince and I had to present the Baconian Online to the Board of Trustees, which is the people who "run" my school. Needless to say that went great, due to our fabulous wit and charm. Later on the new edition of the paper came out, so I took hem around campus. Well i ran into the president and vice president, and talked to them about our presentation, the new issue, and other things. The opportunity to shoot in Dallas came up, and both of them were very interested in hearing about it. The vice president is in charge of academic affairs, so it was up to him to decide if we could take exams early.

HE SAID IT WAS OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So May 1-4... I will be in Dallas, taking pictures and writing stories for the Muskogee Phoenix and.... GETTING PAID TO DO IT.

Yep... I will now be a paid publicized published (outside of school productions) journalist. I'm so happy right now... and I can't wait to do it. I get to go home, see my family, take pictures, get out of class early, write, have fun, drink 6 point beer, etc.

Today has been a GOOD DAY.

I'm finally doing something that makes me so happy, has so many opportunities, and I have alot of fun doing.

Wish me luck... this can lead to further assignments, and advancement in my field.

YAY!!!

For the long haul...

I went back to Dallas this weekend...

for the last time until... I don't know.

On one hand I am kind of happy. I will finally be living in my own apartment and working to pay for myself. Ya know bills and shit. I will finally have a place of my own and won't be living with my parents. I'm quite excited about that for sure.

What saddens me is the fact that I will be spending the rest of the year in OKLAHOMA. Yeah I know... sucks. I really cannot wait to leave this state. The sooner the better, because as close as it really is to Texas... its just NOT Texas.

First off there are far too many Sooner fans. These people are absolutely insufferable. Texas fans are proud, but Sooner fans are blindly... stupidly... moronically... proud. I do have to applaud their dedication but damn. I would rather deal with USC fans... they're all laid back pot smoking califonians... Sooner fans are more often than not HICKS. They plaster OU all over EVERYTHING. Ive seen a guy with a Bob Stoops tatoo. Yeah this guy had Bob Stoops tattooed on his arm. These folks are weird. I love my team but they go too far.

On a side note, A friend and I have come up with several new names for OU. Due to their love of Texas athletes (the football team has more Texas boys than Oklahoma boys) we now refer to OU at the University of Texas at Oklahoma. I will refer to them further as UTO. Also we on occasion call them Chokelahoma, due to their love of choking in the big games. It's a sad occurence, but great for cracking jokes.

But I digress.

The D/FW metroplex has more people than the entire state of Oklahoma. The city of Houston has 3 times as many people.

I need my cities. I need my crowded, dirty, busy, never sleep, never back down cities.

I need somewhere that doesn't close at 9 p.m.

I need a place where cops have better things to do than harrass you for no reason.

I need a place where the local hangout spot isn't Wal-Mart. I love Wally World, but when you go there because theres nothing else to do.. BAD BUSINESS.

Now you may ask WHY I am staying in OK until I graduate. Well I want to live off campus next semester, and also have a job longer than a couple months. I want to work somewhere until it's time for me to pack up and go home to Texas. I hope to have a job at the local newspaper and get into the business. I want to make those connections and get that experience that I will need to pull the bigger better jobs after I graduate.

One good thing on the horizon, I will no longer be an inmate of Posey Penitentiary. I will finally be parolled from the hell hole I live in. (I will tell the story of Posey later)

But I'm still in Muskogee till December... anyone wanna visit and keep me company?

please?

Speaking to the void

Sometimes it feels like I'm talking/typing into the void of space.

I know I'm not the only one to feel this way, but it seems ever so apparent as of late. I'm not trying to complain here, don't get me wrong. I love to write, even if no one reads it, because it helps me get things out of my head that would otherwise stagnate and die. Writing is my way of clearing my head and blowing off steam. I used to play football, lift weights or run to do that, but since I've given up sports, this is the technique that gets the job done.

Anyways lately I've simply felt like I'm putting my stuff out there, no ones reading it... and I am feeling a little bit unhappy about it. As a professional writer (working on it) I guess it's become an ego thing. I'm no longer judged by what I do with football or track but by what I write or the pictures I take.

Am I getting vain or egotistical? I sure hope not. I guess I just like having feedback on what I'm writing now. Its nice to walk around school and hear people tell me they enjoyed the story I wrote or like the picture I took. It's great getting emails from people saying they love my work. This weekend, I was asked by several people if I was a professional photographer, because I took some great pictures at the College All-Star Game I attended. Some people even offered to pay for my pics!

Is it bad that I feel really good about that experience?

I hope its just me wanting to be the best writer/photographer I can, and not wanting to settle for less than the best.

Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks to those who do read my work and enjoy it... and if you have any suggestions, Im always open for constructive criticism.

Im done "not" complaining now.

I'll write something intersting now.

Whats the world coming to? REDUX

As you know I am a writer for my school newspaper and I am submitting this column for the next issue. I will post each version of it, and please let me know what you think as I go.

~Ian

School shootings are nothing new in this incredibly violent society we live in.

There have been five multiple murders at schools around the nation in the last 51 years.

Until April 16, the incident at the University of Texas was the worst school shooting in history.

Charles Whitman killed 15 people and wounded 31 in his 1966 killing spree.

The Columbine High School shooting devastated a town and put the United States into shock, when two students murdered 13 people and harmed 24 others on a tragic April morning in 1999.

Neither of these disasters measured up to the events at Virginia Tech University this past Monday.

Cho Seung-Hui, a VTU student, created scenes of terror and death across the campus, killing 32 people, injuring at least 28, and then taking his own life.

While these horrible events have affected the families and friends of the victims the most, the reach of the tragedies is far and wide, creating panic and fear in schools nationwide.

When I was in junior high, I never feared going to school except when I wasn’t ready for a test or forgot to do a project.

When Columbine happened during my eighth grade year, I began to fear what could happen to me at school.

Everyone wondered if it would happen on their campus, creating a panic around the U.S.

It scares me to know that I might know someone who could commit such evil acts.

The slaughter at Virginia Tech brings the fear of school violence into the national spotlight again.

Now we must worry about the possibility of something like the VTU killings happening here at Bacone, or anywhere else for that matter.

These school shootings bring to light the fact that we live in an increasingly violent society and must always worry what next disaster will befall our culture.

We must constantly be aware of the possibility of another tragedy, because thinking that it will never happen again would be ignorant.

Instead we need to ask ourselves and our schools what they are doing to ensure our safety.

What kind of security do our schools have in place to protect us from such violence?

Are we safe in our classrooms and hallways?

These are the questions that Bacone needs to answer.

The VTU shootings will fuel many new policies and bring changes to campuses, but at the cost of 32 innocent lives.

My heart goes out to the people affected by these heinous events, and I keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

It is sad that it takes things like Columbine, 9/11, and the killings at Virginia Tech to unite the nation.

I wish we could be united by the greatest things we do instead of the very worst.

What's this world coming to?

School shootings are nothing new in this incredibly violent society we live in.

In less than ten years, there have been three fatal shootings at schools around the nation, and five over the past 51 years.

Until April 16, 2007, the incident in 1966 at the University of Texas, where Charles Whitman killed 15 people and wounded 31, was the worst school shooting in history.

The killings at Columbine devastated a town and put the United States into shock, reminding us of the possible evil of human nature.

The worst of all happened at Virginia Tech University this past Monday.

An unknown gunman spread terror and death across the Virginia Tech campus, killing 32 people, injuring at least 28 and then taking his own life.

When I was younger, I never feared going to school except when I wasn’t ready for a test or forgot to do a project.

When Columbine happened, I began to fear what could happen to me at school.

I could not believe that someone could do such a monstrous thing.

As time passed, the fear faded from my memory, but we were again reminded by another murderous spree at a school in Virginia that left three dead and three wounded.

The slaughter at Virginia Tech brings those fears fresh into my mind again.

It shocks me how people can do these terrible things and do so much harm to those around them.

The evil in humanity is becoming ever present with the increase in violence and horror-inducing actions that plague our society.

Every day you hear stories of people killing others or treating them in ways that I cannot fathom doing to another human.

It scares me to know that I might know someone who could commit such evil acts.

“Youth of the Nation” by P.O.D., a powerful song about a school shooting that grabs the listener with vivid lyrics and imagery, was inspired by Columbine, and was written to raise awareness about the possibility of such events.

It makes me very sad when these things happen, and I can only hope that such things never happen again, but to think that they won’t would be ignorance.

My heart goes out to the people affected by these heinous events, and I keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

It is sad that it takes things like Columbine, 9/11, and the killings at Virginia to unite the nation.

I wish we could be united by the greatest things we do instead of the very worst.

"YOUTH OF THE NATION" BY P.O.D.

Last day of the rest of my life
I wish I would have known cause I'd have kissed my momma goodbye.
I didn't tell her that I loved her or how much cared or thank my
pops for all the talks and all the wisdom he shared.
Unaware I just did what I always do.
Everyday the same routine before I skate off to school
But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest,
Instead of takin' the test I took two to the chest.

Call me blind but I didn't see it comin' and
everybody was runnin' but I couldn't
hear nothin', except gun blast, it happened so fast
I didn't really know this kid though I sat by him in class.
Maybe this kid was reachin' out for love or
maybe for a moment he forgot who he was or
maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged,
whatever it was I know its because

CHORUS
We are We are the youth of the nation (repeat)x4

Little Suzie she was only twelve
She was given the world with every chance to excel
Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell
She might act kinda proud but no respect for herself

She finds love in all the wrong places
The same situations but different faces.
Changed up her pace since her daddy left her
Too bad he never told her she deserved much better.

Johnny boy always played the fool,
He broke all the rules so you would think he was cool.
He was never really one of the guys
No matter how hard he tried,
Often thought of suicide
It's kinda hard when you ain't got no friends,
He put his life to an end they might remember him then.
You cross a line and there is no turnin' back
He told the world how he felt with the sound of a gat.

CHORUS x4

Who's to blame for the life that tragedies claim?
No matter what you say it won't take away the pain
That I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies
Don't nobody know why
It's the blind leadin' the blind.
Guess that's the way that the story goes,
Will it ever make sense somebody's gotta know,
There's gotta be more to life than this,
There's got to be more to everything
I thought exists

CHORUS to the end

Writing is my life

If you told me a few years ago that I would be writing for a living, Id ask you what drugs you were doing. I had always enjoyed writing as a hobby, but never even gave it a second thought as a career.

Fast forward to the present. Im a journalism major with less than 8 months until I graduate college. Let me repeat that. I GRADUATE IN 8 MONTHS.... AND Ill be writing and taking pictures for a living. I know... crazy right?

Well since I made the decision to become a full time writer, Ive been inspired. I started a new blog, Ive written 2 major stories (one in the works), 5 movie reviews (one in the works), a sports column in the works, a personal column in the works, and et cetera.

Im a busy guy with ideas just running circles around me. I am definitely using this blog to squeeze out ideas, and get them written before they run away from me. Ive pulled so many ideas out of me in the past 3 months that Im really starting to believe in myself as a writer. I have ideas for novels Im slowly putting together, so that when Im ready, i can put them in print and get them out into the public. I really want to try and do something different with my novels, because who wants to write like someone else?

Im enjoying myself alot more these days and definitely like what Im doing... With education... I just wasnt ready to commit to that. I want to get out of school for a while and see the world... follow my own path and not be locked down. I also want a job where I have much more freedom and possibilities to express myself and be myself.

I find myself sitting there just shocked at where I am in my life. At 22, Ive been through so many things and traveled so many paths that have led me to where I am now, and Im just excited to see whats next. Ive got a whole horizon of possibilities and unlimited paths to walk. Who knows where Ill go, what I do, or who I will become in the process.

I have made many good choices and bad choices in my life and all have created me as I am now. I wouldnt trade my life for anything, and know that all of my choices were meant to happen. I know where ever I go, I am watched over and protected. I know Im free to live how I choose ad do the things I want, but I know Im also guided by God. I had a great conversation with someone today, and he helped me realize that while I walk freely, I am given a path and given a means to achieve anything I want, all I have to do is work for it. Nothing is given to us straight away and we have to achieve and believe to get those things. I know I can do anything I want if I put in the work and always believe in myself, what Im doing, and God.

Im really excited walking the path Im on. I cant wait to see whats next.

~Ian

I dont do cliche

If anyone can tell me how to do the little thing over the e id appreciate it.

Anyways...

Is anyone else tired of everyone looking/acting/being just like everyone else? Im so sick of looking around and seeing 98% of people who are identical to at least one other person. Its soooooooooooo stupid... I know imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but there is a limit.

I do realize we all do follow some trends. Its impossible to avoid it. I personally try to be myself and like things that I genuinely want to. Some people do things to be cool... not me. Its not me... and never will be. I wear things I like and do things I like. I listen to my own mix of music which is anywhere from Linkin Park to Elton John to Ludacris to Brooks and Dunn. Hell I even listen to Beethoven. I watch shows most others I know dont like. Im huge on the Discovery Channel and shows like Mythbusters. People I know cant even tell you what channel the Discovery Channel is. I can tell you the DAILY SCHEDULE.

Im not telling you to avoid popular trends... I know Im victim to them from time to time, but dammit be yourself. Quit being Eminem, or Good Charlotte, or Lil Jon... quit being whatever is popular and changing your style everytime something new comes out. How is anyone going to know who you are when you dont even know yourself?

Life isnt about being cool, but being yourself. How can you enjoy life when you spend all your time seeking out that which is cool and fashionable and not following your heart? I want to live in a society of individuals and not one of clones and sheep.

This is simply my opinion and feel free to think whatever you would like. If you are incapable of thinking for yourself and have to be told what to think then let me help you. Read the following sentences and follow the instructions. GET A LIFE, GET AN OPINION, AND HAVE AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT/IDEA/DECISION. DONT LIVE YOUR LIFE BASED ON EVERYONE ELSE AND THEIR COOLNESS FACTORS. INVENT YOUR OWN!!!

Thats all for now folks....

You may return to your lives.

Stuck in the middle

Im not happy but Im not sad...

Im not jolly and Im not glad...

But Im not depressed or mad...

Im just stuck...

In...
The...
Middle...

I really dont have any complaints about my life. Im doing something I enjoy, and Ive actually gotten my future in my sights. I always had my eyes on the future, but it was all kind of hazy and indiscernable. Its much clearer now... but I still dont know WHERE.

Texas?

Oklahoma?

Elsewhere?

I really dont know.... I will find out in December... until then its business as usual and just living my middle of the road life.

I really dont have anything exciting happening to me either. I just wake up, go to class, work on the paper, take pictures, eat somewhere in there, try to relax, and do it all over again the next day. My excitement level is about a 5... right in the middle.

I have no relationship life to speak of. Thats a good and a bad thing.

Good: I can be selfish with my time/money/self and dont have to worry about pleasing someone else.

Bad: Im feeling kinda lonely. I wish I had someone.

But once again my feelings have pulled me to the middle. Im not more or less either way.

I dunno what it is, but I have to say I would rather me in the middle than on the negative side of the perspective. Id rather be at zero then in the minus. Im sure things will get better, and Im sure at some point it will get worse, but Ive learned that that is life.

You can only hope for more happy than sad... and just hope that you stay in the middle more often than not. I guess being in the middle in new to me, because it feels so weird. Im either happy or sad and never in the middle.

So dont think Im complaining... Im really not. Im just chilling in the middle... Who knows what will come... but Im ok with this flat spot that is the rollercoaster of my life.

Who knows where this road will lead...

"Wolf" in a shoebox

Stories of the Wolf: Chapter One.

The Origins

Everyone always says "blank in a nutshell" but I cant fit what I want to talk about in that kinda space. I need something with more room... like a shoebox. We may have to move up to a packing crate soon... but for now lets go with the shoebox.

On my last blog I explained about the origins of the nickname "Wolf". To comparmentalize it I'll give you the Cliffnotes version. Due to my love of Wolves and my habit of wearing wolf t shirts, a friend began calling me Wolf. My other friends began to as well. We also made several connections between myself and a wolf. I stick to a small group. Im very cunning. I stalk my "prey" and "execute" it with precision and stunning skill. I could go on and on but for the sake of time, lets leave it there. So Wolf was born.

When I was first dubbed Wolf, I kept it within my group of friends. We were always very close guarded with our nicknames and kept them amongst ourselves, but as we got older we were more free with them. Eventually many people knew our nicknames because we went by them while we were causing mass distruction and havoc in high school. We are still famous to this day for some of the stunts we pulled. (another story for another time) So with the expansion of use and for another reason (in memoriam of the friend who gave me the nickname) I chose to tattoo Wolf on my arm.

The tattoo reminds me of all that is important... and it reminds me to always be me. I designed it myself and I wanted it to be like me, unique. I will always be proud of the nickname Wolf and what it represents. I will never forget those who gave me the name and who stand beside me as my friends. To the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Derreck and Bryan, heres to you...

So that is Wolf in a shoebox... more than a little bit... and enough to keep you interested in whats to come. There will be plenty more to come in the Stories of the Wolf. This saga has just begun.

The Invisibles and I: A story of me and my "friends"

I have invisible friends. They arent imaginary cause their fuckin real dammit! Just cause YOU cant see them doesnt mean they dont exist... it just means youre not looking hard enough.

I have my drinking buddy Cap'n Morgan. He and I drink together often... but sometimes I drink with my friends Shiner and Bud. They all get me well intoxicated and help me have a fun time doing it.

Tommy Insomnia keeps me awake and entertained. He tells me what I should be doing instead of sleeping. "Drink a Red Bull, you can't sleep on life..."

Walker is the guy who gets me motivated and drags my ass out of bed. He pushes me to the limits and beyond and never lets me settle for less than what I can achieve.

Those are my "on the outside" friends... Ive also got the ones who run around in my head.

Pauly is the one who gets me in trouble. Hes the one I forget not to listen to and end up doing something stupid. Usually the others keep Pauly in check, but he sneaks up on me when the others are sleeping.

Wolf is my conscience. Hes the one who talks me through shit... gets me going in the right direction. If it wasnt for Wolf, Ian would have been a loony, a druggie, or a goner. All three of those options just dont appeal to me.

Ethan is the smart one... the one who knows everything and can NEVER be wrong. Alot of people know him.... hes pretty pretenious at times.

Aidan is the kid... the one who never lets me forget to have fun, relax and enjoy life. "we dont get to be kids for long so enjoy it while you can or when you can. Life is too short to not have some fun." Life is so much simpler in the eyes of a child.

Joey is my financial advisor. Hes not a very good one though... thats why Im always broke. I think I need to find someone else for the job.

David... well hes the asshole. Hes the one who loves nothing more than to piss someone off, to cut someone down, to make sarcastic comments... hes the guy you hate... but oddly admire for his brutal honesty... but it doesnt stop from wanting to beat his ass from time to time.

Finally... theres me. Ian. Im the guy whos left after you take all of the others away. After you strip all the layers away... you get to me. Im a nice, caring, funny, light hearted individual, who loves to help out his friends and family. Im the one who will sit down and listen to you and help you solve your problems. Im the guy who everyone loves. Despite what all of my other "friends" do... people still love Ian.

You may think Im crazy... a little on the nuttier than a Payday side... but look within yourself and see if you cant find a whole bunch of different personalities. See if you cant dig deep within your soul and find the real you under all the layers.

I think you may be afraid of what or who you will find. Dont be... because who you are defines you, in all facets and aspects. Your friends know the real you... can you find that within yourself too? Look around... you may be suprised at what you find.

Hello again, my good friend, Tommy Insomnia

So Im a liar. I said my last post was my final post before Easter. Well my Insomnia.... lets call him Tommy... had other ideas. I was gonna get a nice night of sleep before an extremely stressful day of writing, seminars, workshops and driving... but as always Tommy showed up.

Its not that I dont like Tommy... its just he shows up at the WRONG times. When Im out partying... wanting to stay up all night... hes no where to be found. When I want to sleep... he comes aknockin...

SO here I am at 2 in the A.M. writing because Tommy told me to. I found its easier to listen to him then to argue with or ignore him. Lets talk shall we?

Have you ever been bordering on being happy and being unhappy and walking that thin line capable of going either way? I am right now. I could be happy, I could be unhappy but I find myself in the middle... or rather indifferent. Ive got some things going one way in my life and some things going the other and it keeps me stabilized. My sanity and emotions are for once not riding a roller coaster.

I spent the whole month of Feburary as an emotional and physical wreck and ever since then Ive been rather leveled out. I was told by a doctor to possibly seek out stress relieving or anti-depressant drugs, but luckily I haven't needed them or felt a pressing desire to be back on them. I know when I was that I was so out of it that I missed alot of things, and I dont feel like going through that again. Its too much of a hassle.

I do have to admit that over the last month, I got the weight off of my shoulders for the most part. Instead of being like Atlas and holding the world on my shoulders... Im more like a normal person just dealing with everyday problems. I get really worn out from carrying all of my problems and everyone elses too. So I think I'll stick with mine and let other people deal with theirs... sure Ill still assist when needed but I will stop carrying the brunt of the load. A guy can only take so much.

I feel like Im writing a novel.... jeez... see what happens when Tommy Insomnia comes to visit?

Alas I will stop writing before I lose my audience to boredom. Once again to all of my readers... please have a fun and safe weekend... and dammit... ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!

~Ian and Tommy... the Dreamless Team

Hi, my name is PAIN

Ok... so for those who don't know, I have minor back problems. When I say minor, I mean 2 pinched nerves, 2 torn ligaments, vertabrae damage, and deteriorating disk spacing. Ya know... nothing major.

ANYWAYS I woke up on sunday morning slightly hung over (Captain Morgan and I hung out, got shitfaced) and noticed that two fingers on my left hand were ever so slightly numb. Not so you would really notice, but enough to make you go "well this is new"... Also the sometimes present pain in my neck and upper back returned. I figured it had to do with me being hunched over a computer or desk all week working on the newspaper... but I took precaution and decided to see the chiropractor on monday if the conditin wasnt any better.

Monday comes... and the condition remained the same, so off I go to see the doctor. He listens to my laundry list of ailments and tells me it may be a fine idea to perhaps pursue other avenues of activity besides contact sports. Well he took X-Rays and did some adjusting and therapy on me. Numbness in hand has subsided but pain is ever present.

Fast forward to today... I got a call from the chiro... he asked me in all seriousness how I was ever having a moment WITHOUT pain. It appears I have not one but TWO bulging discs, one in my neck one in my lower back, that are putting pressure on several nerves and causing all of my pain and numbness problems. I figured now was as good of a time as any to inform him of my high pain tolerance, and basic ignorance of annoying things that attempt to distract me. He replied ever so eloquently "Well ignoring this could put you in a wheelchair."

Um Im not cool with that. So at this point in time I am pursuing therapy to attempt to correct these problems and get myself "straightened out". Wish me luck on that pursuit.

Update time: The March Issue of the Baconian came out this past Friday and I wrote a front page article, the major sports story, a movie review, took the front page picture, and did page layout. Can you say that I was kinda busy? Sheesh.

Im attending a Media Day Conference at Northeastern Oklahoma State University tomorrow and I have to compete in the writing competition where I interview someone and write a story in a severely short amount of time. Im a little aprehensive about this... but wish me lots and lots of luck tomorrow.

Well thas about it... this is my last post before Easter so I hope everyone has a safe extended weekend, and has fun searching for them colored eggs... that a bunny laid... still dont get the joke behind this.... ANYWAYS...be safe have fun and Ill be back on Monday!

~Ian "Wolf" Townsend