Thursday, March 15, 2007

What People Shouldn't Wear in Public

Repost from a previous blog. Enjoy

Ok Ive been laughing my ass off and shuddering at some of the things I see people wearing thse days, so I complied a list of things people shouldnt wear. I broke it down by categories.

Not the slightly chubby, or kinda big people, although it could apply, Im talking "waiting for a heart attack to happen" fat people.

-Spandex. No, never, not even a choice. It's rude and disgusting.

-Tight clothes of any kind. We do not need to see fat rolls accentuated in fabric. It just makes me wanna hurl.

-Anything see thru.... *shudder*... thats just wrong.

-Any shorts that come above the knees. Its bad enough we have to see your cankles, but having to see those horrible fat thighs is enough to make me want to gouge my eyes out.

-Anything sleeveless. We do not need to see your fat ass arms. Its really just not attractive at all. You see these fat guys wearing muscle shirts... its kinda stupid... cause the whole point of the shirt is to have... muscles... and not have your fat hanging out of the arm holes.

-Any piece of clothing, that has words proclaiming "sexy, irresistible, or etc" should not be worn. And also the ones that say "Big and beautiful, or Large and in Charge." No. You are none of these so please dont give yourself the appearance of an idiot too.


Never..... never ever ever ever wear anything tight or with too little fabric. We do not, I repeat do not need to see your old withered body in spandex or in short shorts. Its a crime against humanity. If in doubt, more fabric and more room is always good. I mean c'mon, seriously, you cannot believe people want to see sagging and stuff in places its not supposed to be do you? And... *shudder*... please keep the hemline below the knees. Once again, its bad enough we have to see the veiny calves, but we do not need to see those thunder thighs. Its enough to make me want to pour salt in my eyes.


Bag on the head. Thats about the only thing that can help you out. Maybe alot of plastic surgery. But a bag costs like 10 cents and you could make it a fashion statement. "Head Bags by Calvin Klein" or whatever.


You know what Im talking about... they just dont look right. I think the rules that applied to the old and fat people apply here as well. Anything tight or with too little fabric, needs to be sent to Goodwill immediately.

This list is just a friendly reminder to those who shouldnt wear certain things... NOT TO. Please respect the people around you, and dont make them look at your horribly disfigured body. Certain things are made for certain people, and anything that subjects the public to looking at you and seeing things we dont want to see is just plain wrong, and should be punishable by law. So thanks for reading... and have a nice day!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


Go see it... seriously... It's worth whatever the theatre makes you pay. Hell it's worth paying for it more than once.

It's rated R, so it's not for everyone. Also if youre not into battle scenes, half naked people, and acting that won't be winning any awards, then don't waste your time.

If you're like me and LOVE epic movies then 300 is definitely for you.

The choreography is spectacular, the special effects and CGI (Computer Generated Imaging) are unbelievable, and the way the movie is shot and edited is amazing. If 300 doesn't win Oscars for the special effects, editing, or sound, then I give up on the Oscars totally. It's bad enough that Brokeback Mountain hauled in a bunch of awards two years ago, but this would be theft from people who did a damn fine job on this movie.

This movie never stops going from start to finish. It does have slow down points, but there are no times to get up to go to the bathroom or refill your popcorn. You will miss something that you will regret.

The inspirational speeches and catch lines are as good or better than the best you've heard from Gladiator or Braveheart. Obviously they can't beat the "Freedom Speech" from Braveheart, but 300 knocks anything else out of the park.

The action and battle scenes are the best I have ever seen. Lord of the Rings mastered the giant battle scenes, and 300 has mastered the close-up-in-your-face battles. You feel like you are there in the movie watching the action as it unfolds. 300 also has a few humorous moments to change up the pace.

300 is a great action/epic movie all around and I will enjoy watching it over and over for years to come.

If you need numbers on what the public thought of it, consider this: 300 made $70 million in it's opening weekend. It was predicted to make nowhere above $45 million. It made that sum during a month where huge numbers aren't expected. 300 had the 3rd largest opening for a rated R movie, only surpassed by The Passion of The Christ and Matrix Reloaded.

300 made its budget cost up in one weekend. The movie cost $60 million to produce, so from here on out its all profit. What do the producers attribute to this huge opening and great response? Myspace. They advertised on and all across the internet and it paid off huge dividends. So kudos to the production teams for the great movie and the ingenious marketing plan.

I give 300 a 9 out of 10 for capturing the essence of being a classic action/epic movie, and for being a damn good time at the movies. I've seen it twice so far... how many times have you or will you see it?

9 months until I am reborn...

Catchy title huh? I'll explain soon... just read.

I hope to be graduating in a little over 9 months. Yes you read correctly... 9 MONTHS. after 3 and 1/2 years in school... my time can be counted in months instead of semesters or years.

no more classes
no more books
no more teachers dirty looks...

Over in December. Then into the real world...

Ok so that last part scares me a little bit. In December I become a viable member of the working community. Bills, rent, 9-5, all that good stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and definitely ready... but a little apprehensive. It's going to be weird getting up in the morning and not going to class. I'll be waking up and going to work. I won't be doing homework... I'll be doing REAL WORK.

I've had plenty of real jobs mind you... but not one that was my career. I don't even know where I will be working. It could be in any big city in Texas (I hope), perhaps OKC or Tulsa. I'd rather not stay in Oklahoma, but if the money and opportunity are right... then who am I to walk away from it? Maybe when I'm further along in my career and have the freedom to make that choice I will, but as of right now, I'll take what I can get.

So I'm ready to move on and get started with my career... just maybe a little freaked out.

Let me digress a moment for those who may be a little confused. I am a Journalism Major. I love writing. After trying 2 other majors, I found one I truly enjoy. It gives me chances to do things I never imagined of doing, and lets me use my creativity to its maximum.

In 2 months Ive accomplished:
3 movie reviews
1 major feature article
helping design, situate, update, and launch the Baconian Online, the online newspaper at my college... the first time that has ever happened at Bacone.

I hope to add more to that list before March ends.

Anyways back to the point...

With Journalism, after this semester I only have 7 hours of classes required to graduate. I will still have to take 12 hours next semester but I will only need those 7 hours of my major to get my degree. With the Education major I was pursuing before switching.. I would have graduated in a year and a half. Yes, I would have been 25 when I graduated.... no thanks.

While the Journalism degree is only an Associates Degree, I will pursue further degrees after I get some time in the field. I eventually want to get my masters, but I'm extremely sick of being in school, and want to get out in the real world and get to work.

The thought of writing and having hundreds or thousands... maybe millions reading it... is awesome. I want people to read my work and be informed... be moved... and not just toss it away. I know I'm writing everyday news, but I want to write it in a way that captures my audience. It's the best feeling when someone comes up to you and tells you that you did a great job on a story. To take something ordinary and make it extraordinary is my goal.

Everyone has a passion that drives them, and being a writer has become mine. I want to eventually write books and novels. I hope to accomplish that with the experience I garner as a journalist.

One of the things I will miss about being in school, is that it ends my athletic career. While it's been a great run... some years better than others... you have to know when the time has come to move on from those dreams. Could there be a possible future in sports for me? Maybe, but I'm not sure if my body can handle it. I love football and track but neither will get me through life. Neither will pay my bills or make me happy.

While both have always brought me great joy, they have been a constant cause of frustration and stress as of late. The well has run dry for me in this aspect of life, and it is time to move to greener pastures where my future lies.

I've got one season of football left, God willing, and when that season is over, I stop being a student athlete, and become a working man. I've suffered much physically and mentally to chase my dreams and I thank God for every second of football and track I've ever had.

Now it's time to chase the new dream. Being a writer for a paper or a magazine, and maybe one day writing books. In 9 months that dream will be born... and I CAN"T WAIT!

Welcome to my new home!

I would like to say thank you for coming here and reading what I've got to say. I hope to entertain the vast majority of you (I know better than to expect a 100% enjoyment rate), and perhaps affect you in some way whether small or large.

I write because it is one of my passions. I write for my school's newspaper, The Baconian, and I am working on my own freelance projects as well. I use this blog to get things off my chest, speak my mind, and more often than not, make you laugh. I will speak on a wide assortment of topics, and I hope you can find at least one that you connect with.

So read along and enjoy yourselves.

-Ian Townsend

P.S. I have posted two entries from my past blog that I think many of you will enjoy. So please read, laugh, and comment if you would like. I will also be posting my articles from my school's newspaper so that you may see my work. Thank you for your time.

Wildlife of the Bacone Jungle

As many of you know, Bacone College is inhabited by a wide variety of different people. They also vary in their numbers. Today I will break down the many groups of students in the school. Bear in mind, several people belong to more than one group.

The most widely spread group, and by far the most frustrating. These people can be recognized by their apparent lack of intelligence, and their queries of "what?" when you say something that has more than six letters in it. These particular creatures spend most of their day pursuing mindless activities, sleeping, eating, and annoying the more intelligent among us.

This group is closely related to the Stupids, and share many of the same characteristics. These curious creatures are marginally intelligent enough to grasp the basic elements of sports. They often struggle to make grades or excel in class, but are quite capable on the field, court, track, or where ever they may compete. Many people struggle to understand how they can be so successful in one aspect mentally, but be complete failures in the other. These creatures can be recognized by their athletic physiques, constant showing off, and loud gregarious natures. These creatures travel in large packs, and are in no way shy. They make their presence known, and can often be very rowdy. They are the exact opposite of the species known as Nerds.

As aforementioned, Nerds are the exact opposite of the Affletes. They excel in class and make very good grades, but are athletically inept. They are often weak and small, with tell tale glasses or geeky clothes. They are easily spotted and don't blend well into crowds. This group is very rare in these regions. They tend to be very shy and reclusive, and are frightened easily.

A decent sized group, with no natural enemies. These creatures can fit into about any group, but one feature makes them stand alone. Their open promiscuity. Due to their nature, they are often referred to as Whores, Sluts, Hoes, etc. They regularly visit one or more rooms a night seeking to "pleasure" the inhabitants who dwell in those rooms. Unless you know them, or have had them pointed out to you, you could overlook them quite easily. They blend well into crowds, and fit in any circle. They can often go unnoticed even to the trained eye. These creatures can be very dangerous as well, as some of them may carry sexually transmitted diseases. Be especially careful when dealing with these creatures.

These animals are a step above the Affletes. If Affletes are mules, these guys are horses. They are slightly more intelligent, a little less appalling for an Intelligent to be around, but still quite stupid in their own respect. Most are assholes, or completely involved in their own greatness. They often believe they are the highest life forms, so take upon themselves to pick on the other people. Anyone smaller or weaker than them will be subject to their terrorism. Nerds are often their favorite target. This group is highly subjective in their membership, and usually run in tight packs. They are usually found at sporting events, parties, or torturing some poor soul. They also consider themselves "cool". So anyone deemed uncool will be summarily abused. They can be recognized by their athletic wear, letter jackets, and by the copious amount of empty beer cans in and around their dwelling grounds. While relatively harmless to most, Non athletic or "uncool" people should avoid at all costs, for you may be targeted and attacked.

Besides the Nerds, this is the smallest group. They are practically endangered. These creatures are higher beings in the fact that they are about as intelligent or as intelligent as the Nerds, but aren't simply all about being smart. They can be found in all facets of student life and sports, but aren't involved in any of the other groups. In fact most of them associate with the other groups, but they will not lower themselves into actually becoming a part of another group. They prefer to protect their unique qualities and often seek the counsel and company of other Intelligents. They feel that other Intelligents are the only form of sanity or decency in the BC Jungle. Alas they are a dying breed, because they usually cannot stand the other inhabitants, and seek a place where more Intelligents dwell. (bigger colleges) These creatures usually become so frustrated with the Stupids, Affletes, and Jocks, that they must escape the Hell of being around them. So alas, the greatest species, the true Kings of the BC Jungle are leaving in search of better hunting and dwelling grounds. Only a brave few actually spend their allocated time in the BC Jungle, and survive through it. I tip my hat to those brave souls.

So there's the many groups that take up residence in the BC Jungle. I hope this safari has been informative, and entertaining. I hope you now realize why BC is such a difficult place for someone like me to survive in. Hopefully my time remaining in this Jungle is short. We will see!

Extracurricular Activities

Disclaimer: This was written in my first year of attending Bacone College. These are my thoughts and feelings at that time. Some feelings still exist... others do not. Please read on.

Ok, if you don't know, I go to a small, podunk, over priced, suck ass school in Muskogee OK. Its name: Bacone College. Its pronounced Bay-cone, not Bacon, not Baconey. The name is beside the point I'm trying to make here, but it plays a roll. (We got invited to the Pork Bowl football game, because they thought we were Bacon College.)

Ok heres how dumb the people are at my school. Several (I mean a whole lot) of people do not know what an extracurricular activity is. Now get this. 75% or more of this schools student body are scholarship athletes. That means we get part of our school paid for by playing a sport. Now everyone who's got a triple digit IQ knows that a sport is an extracurricular activity. So this goes to show me that my school is chock full of really dumb people. I know they've filled out a form at some point in their life that had the words extracurricular activity on it. Its not possible in the athletic world, to avoid those two words. You could not believe the shock I got when I said the word, and more than one person went, "Whats that?" I didn't know whether to laugh, cause they were joking, or slap them because they weren't.

I even went to the lengths of breaking it down for them.

Extracurricular= outside school, Activity= something you do.

So extracurricular activity= something you do outside of school.

"Why didn't you just say sport or somethin?" Because I have an IQ above 75.

This occurence makes me wonder about the intelligence of my fellow classmates. Of course the school work doesn't help. People regularly fail classes that are physically impossible to fail. Seriously, with some classes, all you have to do is show up, and you get an A. Apparently that's Mission Impossible. The academics at this school are an absolute Joke. I feel myself getting dumber, because I'm around so many dumb asses, and I am taking classes where I learn absolutely nothing. Wasn't college supposed to be where you learned how to survive in the real world? Wait.... a thought occurs... In life you have to deal with stupid people all the time... Damn this school is better than I thought! Still, I'm going to kill someone soon. I swear, it just bothers me that such a high concentration of stupids happen to inhabit my school. I'm so frustrated by the intelligence level, or lack there of, at my school.

People always ask "you some kinda smart guy?" Why, because I speak properly and use words with more than 6 letter on a regular basis?

"Why do you gotta try to make us look dumb?" You're doing a fine job by yourself actually.

Can you understand the frustration? Can you see why I totally relate to my sister when she talks about the stupid people who come into her job? I hate dumbing down the way I talk because then I feel stupid, but it seems to be the only way to communicate around here with out getting dumbstruck looks, or having to repeat or explain what I'm saying. Sometimes its like talking to a brick wall. Its just wasted effort.

Its a crying shame. Extracurricular activity.... wow. Just the tip of the iceberg at this school.