My new favorite quote

"Intelligence is key, and you're locked out."

Just so you know...

I am currently pondering some life altering changes to my life. And I am not talking little minor things.... I'm talking HUGE.

Some already know about it... some don't, but rest assured that when I actually up and make the decision, you will know what it is. I don't want to put it out there not before I have all of the information, did all my research, and looked at this from every angle.

So far it's looking like a good deal, but that can change like anything else in this world.

So I ask you to bear with me, and when the time comes, throw your opinions into the ring, because I would like to hear what everyone has to say.

It may or may not make any difference to me, but I like to hear other people's thoughts. But in the meantime, I love everybody who makes my life worth living, and I love all my readers. (I think its like 2 people.... but shhhh I like to think I'm really popular!)

Anyways, I just thought I would update you while I am NOT SLEEPING... because that's my life... one of insomnia and deep thoughts.

Its like chocolate and bacon.... they just go together.

Write that down.

~Ian

Edit: Who are the Irving and Addison TX viewers of my blog? I'm getting mega hits from that area... Just wanna know...

Veritas

Veritas is the Latin word for Truth.

Let's discuss.

I am a big believer in total honesty. Lets not be fools here though, I know better than to think I or anyone else for that matter is ALWAYS 100% honest. But that aside, I think that honesty is one of the highest virtues.

I will almost always be honest about something, regardless of the situation, and sometimes can be bluntly or brutally honest. It's just my nature. So is it bad I expect the same from others?

If you ask me something, then I will give you my honest answer. Yes it does get me in trouble, because often I tell people things they don't want to hear. Often I will say too much. I don't know any other way. I don't see the point in being false, fake, or disillusioning people. I believe everyone deserves the truth.

So if you ask me what I think about something or someone, expect the truth. If you ask how I feel about something or someone, expect the truth. If you ask my opinion, expect the truth. Don't ask me something, and expect me to bullshit you. It simply wont happen.

So if you hear words coming out of my mouth, or see things I write, then know it is true. If I tell you something, it is my honest truth. Some people choose to live their lives shrouded in lies and deceit, but I refuse.

Let us be honest and truthful... Do not hide things or say false things. Do not let your true feelings be hidden away. Trust me, it leads to the worst of things. I have a terrible need to trust... and it is really hard when I cannot trust someone. So make things easy for both of us... and be honest. Know I will always be honest with you... can you always be honest with me?

Veritas... it is a way of life.

Control Freak

I hate not being in control of myself, my feelings, or my actions. It happens very very rarely, but it usually happens all at once.

Usually I am very in control of myself. I know what I am doing, feeling, thinking and can pretty much keep myself in check.

Not today. Today's stress triggers set me off, and I was kinda out of control today. Nothing bad or damaging, just enough to piss me off.

Going back to school, dealing with my everyday hassles, and the thought of driving 50 miles everyday tweaked me today. Also going back to school and dealing with the endless bullshit there pushed me. Then me just being totally stupid today was the final straw.

So anyways I was just a weirdo today... I was up and down, hot and cold, back and forth, and there was simply nothing I could do about it. Outwardly, I'm sure very few people noticed, because I have been hiding my emotions and thought for far too long to not be good at it. I know some people saw it, or were involved in it directly. Very sorry to those who are in that group...

But yeah, I had my one day to be out of control. I had my one day of being a total mental case, but I'm ok now.

Stress is a bitch no?

"Wolf" in a shoebox

Stories of the Wolf: Chapter One.

The Origins

Everyone always says "blank in a nutshell" but I cant fit what I want to talk about in that kinda space. I need something with more room... like a shoebox. We may have to move up to a packing crate soon... but for now lets go with the shoebox.

On my last blog I explained about the origins of the nickname "Wolf". To comparmentalize it I'll give you the Cliffnotes version. Due to my love of Wolves and my habit of wearing wolf t shirts, a friend began calling me Wolf. My other friends began to as well. We also made several connections between myself and a wolf. I stick to a small group. Im very cunning. I stalk my "prey" and "execute" it with precision and stunning skill. I could go on and on but for the sake of time, lets leave it there. So Wolf was born.

When I was first dubbed Wolf, I kept it within my group of friends. We were always very close guarded with our nicknames and kept them amongst ourselves, but as we got older we were more free with them. Eventually many people knew our nicknames because we went by them while we were causing mass distruction and havoc in high school. We are still famous to this day for some of the stunts we pulled. (another story for another time) So with the expansion of use and for another reason (in memoriam of the friend who gave me the nickname) I chose to tattoo Wolf on my arm.

The tattoo reminds me of all that is important... and it reminds me to always be me. I designed it myself and I wanted it to be like me, unique. I will always be proud of the nickname Wolf and what it represents. I will never forget those who gave me the name and who stand beside me as my friends. To the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Derreck and Bryan, heres to you...

So that is Wolf in a shoebox... more than a little bit... and enough to keep you interested in whats to come. There will be plenty more to come in the Stories of the Wolf. This saga has just begun.

The Invisibles and I: A story of me and my "friends"

I have invisible friends. They arent imaginary cause their fuckin real dammit! Just cause YOU cant see them doesnt mean they dont exist... it just means youre not looking hard enough.

I have my drinking buddy Cap'n Morgan. He and I drink together often... but sometimes I drink with my friends Shiner and Bud. They all get me well intoxicated and help me have a fun time doing it.

Tommy Insomnia keeps me awake and entertained. He tells me what I should be doing instead of sleeping. "Drink a Red Bull, you can't sleep on life..."

Walker is the guy who gets me motivated and drags my ass out of bed. He pushes me to the limits and beyond and never lets me settle for less than what I can achieve.

Those are my "on the outside" friends... Ive also got the ones who run around in my head.

Pauly is the one who gets me in trouble. Hes the one I forget not to listen to and end up doing something stupid. Usually the others keep Pauly in check, but he sneaks up on me when the others are sleeping.

Wolf is my conscience. Hes the one who talks me through shit... gets me going in the right direction. If it wasnt for Wolf, Ian would have been a loony, a druggie, or a goner. All three of those options just dont appeal to me.

Ethan is the smart one... the one who knows everything and can NEVER be wrong. Alot of people know him.... hes pretty pretenious at times.

Aidan is the kid... the one who never lets me forget to have fun, relax and enjoy life. "we dont get to be kids for long so enjoy it while you can or when you can. Life is too short to not have some fun." Life is so much simpler in the eyes of a child.

Joey is my financial advisor. Hes not a very good one though... thats why Im always broke. I think I need to find someone else for the job.

David... well hes the asshole. Hes the one who loves nothing more than to piss someone off, to cut someone down, to make sarcastic comments... hes the guy you hate... but oddly admire for his brutal honesty... but it doesnt stop from wanting to beat his ass from time to time.

Finally... theres me. Ian. Im the guy whos left after you take all of the others away. After you strip all the layers away... you get to me. Im a nice, caring, funny, light hearted individual, who loves to help out his friends and family. Im the one who will sit down and listen to you and help you solve your problems. Im the guy who everyone loves. Despite what all of my other "friends" do... people still love Ian.

You may think Im crazy... a little on the nuttier than a Payday side... but look within yourself and see if you cant find a whole bunch of different personalities. See if you cant dig deep within your soul and find the real you under all the layers.

I think you may be afraid of what or who you will find. Dont be... because who you are defines you, in all facets and aspects. Your friends know the real you... can you find that within yourself too? Look around... you may be suprised at what you find.

Hello again, my good friend, Tommy Insomnia

So Im a liar. I said my last post was my final post before Easter. Well my Insomnia.... lets call him Tommy... had other ideas. I was gonna get a nice night of sleep before an extremely stressful day of writing, seminars, workshops and driving... but as always Tommy showed up.

Its not that I dont like Tommy... its just he shows up at the WRONG times. When Im out partying... wanting to stay up all night... hes no where to be found. When I want to sleep... he comes aknockin...

SO here I am at 2 in the A.M. writing because Tommy told me to. I found its easier to listen to him then to argue with or ignore him. Lets talk shall we?

Have you ever been bordering on being happy and being unhappy and walking that thin line capable of going either way? I am right now. I could be happy, I could be unhappy but I find myself in the middle... or rather indifferent. Ive got some things going one way in my life and some things going the other and it keeps me stabilized. My sanity and emotions are for once not riding a roller coaster.

I spent the whole month of Feburary as an emotional and physical wreck and ever since then Ive been rather leveled out. I was told by a doctor to possibly seek out stress relieving or anti-depressant drugs, but luckily I haven't needed them or felt a pressing desire to be back on them. I know when I was that I was so out of it that I missed alot of things, and I dont feel like going through that again. Its too much of a hassle.

I do have to admit that over the last month, I got the weight off of my shoulders for the most part. Instead of being like Atlas and holding the world on my shoulders... Im more like a normal person just dealing with everyday problems. I get really worn out from carrying all of my problems and everyone elses too. So I think I'll stick with mine and let other people deal with theirs... sure Ill still assist when needed but I will stop carrying the brunt of the load. A guy can only take so much.

I feel like Im writing a novel.... jeez... see what happens when Tommy Insomnia comes to visit?

Alas I will stop writing before I lose my audience to boredom. Once again to all of my readers... please have a fun and safe weekend... and dammit... ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!

~Ian and Tommy... the Dreamless Team