Hi, my name is Ian, and I am addicted to football...

There I admitted it. The first step to recovery is accepting that you have a... wait a hot minute... who said I wanted to recover? And who drank all the damn gatorade?!

I love football, and I'm ok with this. I have a job specifically designed where I can sit around and talk/write about it. How cool is that? For me its a dream come true... well sort of. I would rather still be playing, but my body said NO, so I'll do what I can to stay "in the game".

I played football for 15 years. Yeah, thats about 2/3 of my life. And I have the scars and injuries to prove it. Why would anyone put themselves through that kind of punishment? LOVE.

As they said in Varsity Blues, "Football isn't a game, it's a way of life". And that's true. Ask anybody who played the game beyond a junior high level. That's when football was more than just a game. It was a JOB. It was the kind of job you wanted to show up for. The kind where you would work your ass off to get that promotion. People (including myself) would go out there and kill themselves in pursuit of what the unknowing simply call a "kids game".

Football is the National Pastime. All of you baseball fans can kiss my ass, because you cant deny the drawing power of the gridiron. When 70,000 people sit in snow flurries to watch two teams battle, that's passion for the game. When 100,000 people wear one color to support their team and psyche out the other team, thats passion for the game. When a whole STATE rallies behind a team because they embody the rebuilding effort that is going on, i.e. the New Orleans Saints last season, thats passion for the game. When MILLIONS tune in around the world, and companies pay out the nose for advertising time just to see which team lifts the Lombardi Trophy, thats passion for the game.

I already failed in my attempt to watch every Bowl game this year, but doesn't mean I wont see all of the ones I can. I watched every second of the Holiday Bowl (after I got home from the movies), and even after the game had been decided, I still watched. I watched the highlights AFTER the game. Yes, the highlights of the game i JUST WATCHED. Then I read the articles for the game the verysame night. Read more this morning. Some might call that obsession, but I call that being a fan, a LONGHORN fan at that.

Also, being a TRUE fan entails one thing: being a constant fan. Pick a team and stick with them, through good and bad. I HATE fair weather fans. When the Longhorns won the National Championship, there were ASSLOADS of Horns fans all the sudden. Now that the Cowboys are good again (puke) there are million of fans coming out of the woodwork. It happens every year when a team gets good. As a true fan, I hate when people's allegiances shift so easily. Pick it and stick with it.

So here a re a few guidelines for Football Fanhood.
1) Pick a team and support them at all times, no matter what. There are cases where you can revoke your support, but it must be an eternal revoking, such as I used to be a Cowboys fan, until they fired Jimmy Johnson, and I remain a stout hater of the Cowgirls.
2) You must know no less than 10 things about your team that might come up in trivia questions. Such as: Did you know that the Longhorns have the current longest streak in the NCAA for ten win seasons at 7?
3) You must know (at least) the starters for your team(s), and any major player who has been on your team. Example: Jamaal Charles is the starting running back for the Horns, and plays a position that was once home to Earl Campbell, Ricky Williams, and Cedric Benson, Cot McCoy plays quarterback, and succeeded Heisman runner-up and National Chamionship MVP VInce Young, who left a season early to play in the NFL (Tennessee Titans).
4) You must wear team colors on game day.
5) Whether by an inch or a mile, a win is a win, and it is totally fine to rub it in the faces of fans of the beaten team. In fact it is obiligatory.
6) It is ok to be a sore loser, because it shows true fanhood.
7) yell at the TV, radio, or at the game. It doesn't matter if they can hear you or not, it's the thought that counts.
8) Getting hammered after a win or a loss will happen. The outcome will determine the drink, pace, and depth of the hammering.
9) Blaming the refs for a bad call is ok. Blaming the refs every time your team loses is not. Sooners fans take note of this rule.
10) Lastly, in a life or death situation, it is NOT ok to claim another team or forsake yours. Just remember, you have to pay for your sins in the afterlife, and welching on your team at any time is a hellworthy trespass.

So now you know what it takes to be a true fan. Now you realize the depth of the National obsession. I as well as millions of others, love football. If you haven't had a chance to get in on the fun, I suggest you try. You'll find that it's one of the best ways to spend your time, and it doesn't require medication, rehab, exercise, or anything more than a passion for it.

So to the rest of the true fans out there, especially the Longhorns and Denver Broncos fans... HERES TO YOU!