Grandpa

I recently lost my grandpa. He was a major part of my life and I feel like a piece of me is missing. A part of my life that has always been there is gone now. I know he's in a better place and he's not gone from the hearts and minds of those he loves, but it doesn't stop it from hurting. To know I will never see his face, hear his voice, be in his presence... it breaks me into pieces. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I right this. One of the strongest men in my life, one of my heroes, one of the reasons for who I am today is forever gone.

To say he was a perfect man would be lying. He, like everyone, had his share of downfalls. But to say that he was a good man, and a good grandfather is no stretch of the imagination. He did all he could to be there for me. He doted on me, saw me often, and always tried to make it to my sporting events. Even later in his life he never went without asking after me. He always wanted to know what was going on with me. It tears me apart knowing that I was so far from him the last few years of my life, and I wish I was around more. It hurt even worse not being able to see him in such a frail and helpless state. A man I saw live his life his way, and never bowed to anything, it killed me to see him have no power. I wish I could have been there with him in his last moments.

I am thankful for the 25 years I did have him. He gave so much love to me, and I can never thank him enough for that. He loved me unconditionally, and it's something I will miss for the rest of my life. I can say, however, that I had that. A lot of people can't claim as much. I am lucky and I count my blessings everyday. He gave me life through my father, and gave me so many things that are the world to me. He taught me life lessons, how to be my own man, and how to never let life get you down or direct you in any way but your own.

I will miss my grandpa terribly, but the smart part of me knows I will never truly be without him. He will always live in my heart. I will always have our good times and good memories. He will forever be an influence on my life and who I am. I will never live a day without trying to be the man he taught me to be. I have a lot to live up to as the last male in the family line, but I had good teachers and examples in my father and grandpa. Without the most important male figures in my life, I would not be here today.

I will miss you Grandpa. I will think about you always, and I know you will watch down over me. I will not say goodbye, because I will see you again. Rest peacefully... You're in my heart and mind.

George Luther Townsend

"When I look to the stars, I know just where you are, you're looking down upon me...", Fire by Dead By Sunrise

Hi.... It's been a while...

I've been away. Since May of last year, I've been absent from here. What can I say? I've been super busy!

I'll get to writing more often here very soon, but let me give a little update as to whats gone on since I last wrote.

-I moved from Corpus Christi to Norfolk VA. Fuck that place. I can't wait to leave it.

-I went on deployment to Bahrain, which is a tiny island off the coast of Saudi Arabia. As of right now, I am one month away from coming back to America. 5 months in the books.

-Had 2 failed relationships (surprising).

-Made Second Class Petty Officer in just under two years in the Navy. Not too shabby.

-My grandfather passed away (I will post the thing I wrote for him soon).

Besides that, not much else happened. Pretty much just life in general. OH I forgot, my brother Bryan got married! So happy for him and Rachel. Anyways, I will leave you with anticipation for my next post which should come soon.

Goodnight all. You may return to your lives now.

~Ian

65 ?s

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...you know the rules. tag people in this note (including the person who tagged you!) to learn more about people. Also, try to tag people who you've tagged in other notes, sometimes you learn things in new notes that you didn't know before about them.......

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
red

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
um... prolly not.

4. Do you plan outfits?
nope... throw and go....

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
exhausted. happy.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
shorts

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
That's a lil personal... it's between me and her.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope

9. What are you craving right now?
her. Just her.

10. Do you floss?
um...... maybe? Not frequently....

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
halupki

12. Are you emotional?
more than I want to be, but less than I should be... hell I dunno...

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
2,646 actually... then I got interrupted.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick.... it hurts my teeth if I bite it.

15. Do you like your hair?
what hair I have? yeah sure.

16. Do you like yourself?
87.6 percent of the time.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Yep. I personally like the guy... as a president, he wasn't our best, but he is still an interesting person.

18. What are you listening to right now
Jess

19. Are your parents strict?
not really.

20. Would you go sky diving?
fuck yeah.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
haven't eaten it in a WHILE.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
sure have. Her name is Christel.

23. Do you rent movies often?
nope. I buy.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
um... not really... I'm not so much into things that go sparkle.

25. How many countries have you visited?
3.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
ha ha ha sure.

27. Ever been on a train?
yeah, a few of em.

28. Brown or white eggs?
no preference.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
yeah... it is always with me.

30. Do you use chap stick?
sure... not often enough tho.

31. Do you own a gun?
I wish.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
sure thing.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
me, myself, and I... and a certain girl via webcam.

34. Are you too forgiving?
in general, no. I can be pretty harsh actually.

35. Ever been in love?
yep.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
work, work, and oh some more work. Sucks being all growed up.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
I think so.

38. Last time you cried?
cannot remember... maybe after I finished battlestations I teared up... I think.

39. What was the last question you asked?
I asked Jess about her job.

40. Favorite time of the year?
Fall.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Me? Nooooooooo I'm not sarcastic at alllllllllllllll

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
surely.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
HA HA HA have you MET me?

45. Favorite color?
red

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
sure... joking around tho... not the real thing... I'd rather knock someone out.

47. Is your hair curly?
nope.... when it gets long, it gets wavy

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Eminem-Relapse eariler off itunes

49. Do looks matter?
yeah... I need to be attracted to the person... Someone I think is beautiful and gorgeous... someone like Jess!

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
nope. end of story.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
nope

52. Do you like your life right now?
In general.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
fuck no. Dark and quiet.... well mostly quiet

54. Can you handle the truth?
I believe the truth is the only way to go.

55. Do you have good vision?
yep... thank God for Lasik

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
yeah. I know you shouldn't hate, but they deserve it.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
depends on the person. Mostly I text tho.

58. The last person you held hands with?
It's been a while... I dunno.

59. What are you wearing?
My Navy AT shirt.

60.What is your favorite animal?
wolf

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
my room.... I needed to show off my Yoda shirt.

62. Can you hula hoop?
nope.

63. Do you have a job?
for shizzle.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
songs on itunes

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes I have. many times.

Quietly I ride...

I've been pretty quiet for a while. I guess I really haven't had a whole lot to write about, or more accurately, had the will to write about.

It's been really busy lately. It seems like I am running on a perpetual cycle of the same thing. I switched back to working nights as a part of this whole new concept they have going in my squadron where they split us up into the group going to Norfolk in June, and those staying behind. Hectic isn't a good enough word to describe the chaos that it has been. Clusterfuck might work better. The main problem with the set up is the lack of qualified people on my shift... so there is almost no training going on, and a bunch of unquals trying to get things done without proper supervision or help when it's needed. I think that it is a partially good learning experience, be cause we have to learn to do things on our own, but not having people around to ask questions when we have them is killing us. So yeah... thats most of my daily routine.

On top of said headache, I am not sleeping very well. Everyone knows I have a history of sleep issues, but they seem to be getting worse as of late. I constantly wake up, don't get enough sleep, and feel exhausted all day long. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I am used to running on low sleep... that and massive amounts of Red Bull. Luckily we had a full weekend off, but I still feel like I had a lack of sleep... even without a set agenda for the weekend, I could not pull off much sleep. Aggravating.

On a positive note, I am closer to moving. The count right now is at 24 days, I believe. 24 days until I move to Norfolk and begin a whole new adventure. Along the path to that new adventure, I get to spend time with some very special people... my friends and family. I will stop in Austin to see my sis, her bf, and hopefully my parents. then it will be off to Georgia to see Bryan, Rachel, and Jess. Hopefully I can see a few other people along the way too. I am very excited about the time span between the 11th and the 18th.

Oh and I don't want you guys thinking I'm totally miserable, because I'm not. I am actually pretty content, just exhausted. I've made 3 really good friends in the past month, and I look forward to us possibly getting a place in Norfolk. That would rock. Also, there is someone else who makes me very happy, and I really look forward to spending time with her. She is an amazing girl. So yeah, not miserable... just tired!

Anyways that's really all I have at the moment. I will be sure to keep everyone updated on the Move and hopefully I will get more inspired to write soon!

~Ian

Blog Theft (stolen from the sister)

WRITE EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND.

1. Your ex and You = fun while it lasted, I suppose.

2. I am listening to = nothing. oddly.

3. Maybe I should = let things fall as they ma instead of trying to push things where I want them.

4. I love = my friends and family

5. My best friend(s) = are few and a very select group.

6. I don’t understand = women.

7. I have lost my respect for = some people.

8. I last ate = KFC

9. The meaning of my display name is = childhood nickname that has weathered the test of time.

10. God = there.... somewhere...

11. Someday = I'll be happy with where I'm at in life.

12. I will always be = me, no matter what you say or think.

13. Love seems = elusive

14. I never ever want to lose = my sense of perspective.

15. My LiveJournal is = non existent

17. I get annoyed = too much. I ought to work on that.

18. Parties = aren't the same as they used to be.

20. Simple kisses = are one of the best kind.

21. Today I = start working nights again. sigh.

22. I wish = a few things would go right.
————————–————————–——-
NOW

01. is your hair wet? negatory

02. is your cell phone right by you? always.

03. do you miss someone? for sure

04. are you wearing chapstick? nah

05. are you tired? perpetual state

06. are you wearing pajamas? nah

08. are you mad? not yet.

09. are you upset? miffed maybe, but not upset.

————————–————————–——–

HAVE YOU

01. recently done anything you regret? regrets aren't my thing.

02. ever lied? who hasn't?

03. ever put gum underneath a desk? not that I can recall....

04. ever kicked someone? yes

05. ever tripped over your own feet? sure have. I can be as graceful as a swan or as clumsy as a newborn horse.

TODAY HAVE YOU:

01. have you cursed? have you met me?

02. have you gotten mad at someone? day ain’t over yet. (ditto)

-RANDOM-

Q: is there a person who is on your mind right NOW? yes.

Q: do you have any siblings? a couple blood related, a couple step, and a few chosen.

Q: do you want children? I've always wanted to be a father.

Q: do you smile often? sure... when the mood strikes, or if I am talking to a certain person.

Q: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? only my work boots.

Q: do you like your handwriting? it's functional so I guess it can stay.

Q: are your toenails painted? not my thing really, so no.

Q: are you a friendly person? if I'm in the mood

Q: whose bed other than yours do you sleep in? I don't.

Q: what color shirt are you wearing? white

Q: what were you doing at 7pm yesterday? um.... watching tv I think

Q: I can’t wait until: June 11.

LAST TIME YOU ______

last time you prank called someone? don't remember

last time you skipped school/class/work? college. I kinda get in a massive boatload of trouble if I skip work now.

last time you called your best friend? last weekend

last time you tried to tell someone how you feel? last night. I have no problem sharing feelings.

last time you had someone call? yesterday.

last time you twisted your ankle? cannot remember

last time you drove? yesterday

last time you cried? no clue.

last time you pushed someone? yesterday. It was prolly Ryan or Mantecon... dunno which tho.

last time you laughed? last night.

last time you rented a dvd? I don't rent. I own.

last time you worked? yesterday. last day on days before I go back to the fun and excitement of nights and the whole new det concept thing.

Empty

I live everyday questioning things. It's my nature. It gets me in trouble sometimes because I ask questions at the wrong time, I ask the wrong questions, or my thirst for knowledge and understanding simply upsets someone.

That being said, I find myself asking questions and getting no answers. I try to figure things out and come up empty. I feel my purpose and drive in life slipping from my grasp because I feel like I cannot find the reason behind things.

I feel alone too. All around me, people are in relationships, getting married, and having kids... and I'm serially single. I can't hold down a relationship to save my life. I'm sure that it is as much my doing as anything else. I just can't get in a groove without either being tossed out of it or driving myself out of it.

I can't say I am miserable over it. I know that I'm young and i have time... but is it wrong for me to wish to be involved with someone? Is it wrong to want to give affection and get it back? Is it a fault to give everything for someone and want to get the same in return?

See... there I go again with questions...

It feels like I am going through the motions these days. I can't seem to fill the space with anything worthwhile. I just feel so empty and void of anything that makes me more than content.

I don't want anyone to think I hate my life or am being all depressed. I'm not. I know I have plenty going for me, and have a good life. I have more than many, and I am grateful for that, believe me. That being said, I just want more. I want to feel like my life has a purpose, that I am making a difference in the world and in someone's life. I want to feel like someone cares about me, and thinks about me. I want simple things... simple things that are so complicated.

*sigh*

I'm tired of being melancholy and melodramatic. I just want plain simple happiness that I see around me everyday. I see the world moving around me, and I feel stuck in place.

I am about to move my life across the country for, at the very least, the next 3 1/2 years, and I don't know how to feel about it. I want to be excited, but I can't. I want to be sad about leaving Texas again, but nothing. I want to feel anything besides the way I do now... like nothing is there.

I'd love to escape into the fantasy world inside my head, where all is well and wonderful, but I wake up everyday to the same existence. I feel like all I do is exist... and that is driving me insane.

Fuck. I want to feel important, needed, loved, hated, liked, despised, worthwhile, necessary, etc. I just want to feel.

Is that so much to ask?

Apparently so.

Draft Day 1 in the books

Well it's over. Day 1 of the NFL Draft has come to an end... and I have to say, it was a weird day.

Lots of strange picks and trades, and some teams didn't even pick today. I can't wait to wake up and watch another 5 rounds tomorrow! Hopefully Denver stops screwing around and starts making some better picks. I doubt it though.... sigh.

Just so you guys know... I really am that big of a football fan. I haven't missed watching or listening to the draft in years. last year I almost did because I was in boot camp, but I got to watch some of it because I was on liberty. Anyways, I will do a final draft round up Monday!

~Ian