A few prayers

A Soldiers' Prayer
"Almighty Father, with an upright heart I have left my dear ones at home, to defend my country against its enemies. My thoughts constantly goes back to them. They are thoughts of love and of anxiety. I ask You loving Father to keep a watchful eye over each and every one of them. Soothe their hearts and help them to bear my absence patiently. Protect them from the dreadful dangers of war.
O my Lord, I ask not much for myself - just only courage to perform my duties well. I offer You this day and every day my thoughts, words and actions of mine as prayers of faith in You, of hope in Your provident care, of love of You and Your justice. May my prayers parallel all my service and sacrifices for my fellow comrades, my family and my country, protect them all and bless them now and forever. For all those who have died welcome them into your loving embrace. Gracious Lord, lend an ear of compassion to the supplication of a soldier - your child - serving my country to the best of my ability out of love for You. Amen."

American Soldiers' Prayer
"Help me to remain true to my ideals during my service to my country. Help me be what is in America, the land of the free. May I realize that I represent what our country stands for. My uniform is a symbol of duty and valor both in peace and in war. I take up arms to defend what all Americans hold dear: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Grant me the strength to live according to these ideals, the courage of my convictions, and the resolve to endure whatever dangers threaten. With You at our side I fear no evil and resist every enemy, secure in the knowledge that you hold me in the palm of your hand. Amen."

Prayer to St. George
Heroic soldier and defender of your Faith, you dared to criticize a tyrannical Emperor and were subjected to horrible torture. You could have occupied a high military position but you preferred to die for your Lord. Obtain for us the great grace of heroic Christian courage that should mark soldiers of Christ.

Prayer to Saint Michael
"Glorious Prince of the heavenly hosts and victor over rebellious spirits, be mindful of me who am so weak and sinful and yet so prone to pride and ambition. Lend me, I pray, thy powerful aid in every temptation and difficulty, and above all do not forsake me in my last struggle with the powers of evil. Amen."

And the wait begins...

SO I completed my Apprentice Technical Training (ATT) ten days ahead of schedule. It was all computer-based, and self-paced so I, being the intellectual that I am, of course finished early. It wasn't hard, just alot of pointless math and stuff I really won't use except on my advancement exams.

So anyways, I was thinking that by getting done faster I would get out of Great Lakes faster. Well that is not to be. Since I am Full Time Support (FTS), which means I am active duty in all ways except for when they count the number of active or reserve members I am counted as reserve, my orders for my next duty station have to be written differently.

So what does this mean? It means that I am on hold (stuck here) for more than a month. Now I am not complaining too much about sitting around here, doing practically nothing and getting paid for it, but I would trade that for getting into my actual training and moving along in my Navy career, and oh yeah BEING IN FLORIDA.

Oh, and the explanation I got for why I am different from the rest of the students transferring to Pensacola was so vague and worthless, I almost lost it on the woman. Is it too much to ask to get a proper explanation of why it is that I am getting screwed over? I would hope not, but as I always say... "Welcome to the Navy".

So anyways, maybe with all the down time I am about to start having, maybe I will blog more. I know I have been slacking, and I am sure my reader base has dwindled to almost nil, but let's see if I can draw in some new fans by updating my site somewhat regularly!

That's about all I have at the moment, so I will call it a post. Be back soon with some exciting or at least funny Navy stories!

~Ian

Freedom

I feel so free now. I dunno what it is, but something has changed in the past few days. I was down, non-social, bottled up. Now I am outgoing, having a good time, and feeling really good.

I feel great, and I am excited to feel this way again. It's been a while since I felt this good. It's actually kind of weird, because it seemed like I would never get out of the funk I was in, but now the skies are clear and the road is open and wide.

On top of it all, I feel like I don't have to please anyone but myself. All I have to do is make sure I am happy and not worry about other people.

Some may call it selfish, but I think it's time I focus on me for a bit. Anyways, thanks to those who shot me encouraging words and made sure I was alright.

I am lucky to be where I am at and to do what I am doing. I am working for and defending the greatest country in the world, and I am proud to be a U.S. Navy Sailor! It's about time I acted like I was enjoying myself!

Here's the lyrics that I am feeling at the moment... Bryan Adam's Open Road

i'm sitting at the wheel
i got a green light
not afraid of nothin' cuz heart and soul
i'm built for life

so let the engine roar
push the pedal down
i want the white lines on the highway
to lead me out of town

chorus:
i'm rolling on and on and on
who knows where i'm goin'?
life is an open road - it's the best story never told
it's an endless sky it's the deepest sea
life is an open road to me
life is an open road to me

i got headlights
to guide me through the night
i got the window down and the radio playing
it makes me feel alive

chorus

Yeah life's an open road

life is an open road - it's the best story never told
it's an endless sky it's the deepest sea
life is an open road to me
life is an open road to me

Yeah life's and open road

Yeah and I'm built for life

Life is an open road to me


~Ian

Goodbye

I lost a friend today.

It was my fault.

Was it worth it?

No.

I hope I can get them back, but I am not holding my breath.

Moving on now...

A quandary...

Ever wanted to tell somebody something but you could never bring yourself to tell them?

Even when you thought about the moment when you would tell them, tried to figure out every reaction that they could have, when the time came, it simply never came out?

You get that empty feeling in your stomach, like a pit sucking you down, and you know the only way for it to go away is to let out that thing you are holding on to...

Yet you can't, and it kills you...

What do you do?

Head in the clouds

I guess with being in boot camp for 2 months, the simplicity allowed me to sort things out a little bit and get my head on straight.

With all that's going on these days (school, duty, training, etc.) my heads coming unscrewed again. I guess you could say I am spacing out a little and feel all out of sorts.

My mind goes places when I should be focusing and I think about things I really shouldn't be worrying about. It's not that its distracting me or affecting my training, it's just starting to drive me a little nuts.

Anyone who knows me, knows I over-analyze EVERYTHING, especially given the time to think about it. Its a bad habit, kind of like smoking is for some people, one that gives me health problems and will probably shorten my life but I just can't stop.

I find that when I am thoroughly distracted, have something to focus on, or am so busy I can't think is when I can control it. Unfortunately for me, I tend to have a decent amount of down time, or I am engaged in a mindless activity that allows my mind to wander, leading me to unknown (or too well known) places.

I wish I could shut those thoughts out, or just resolve them, but I can't ever seem to, especially when it involves things I deal with on a daily basis. Most of the time I worry about the things I have no control over, which I know is ludicrous, but I can't help it... I'm a control freak, and when it feels like I don't have control over something, I hate it.

I dunno what to do about it really, except try to just realize that if I can change it, to do so, if not, don't worry about it.

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Like I said before, it doesn't effect anything I am doing, but I certainly don't want it to get to that point. I guess I will just have to deal with having my head in the clouds from time to time, even if it is a severe thunderstorm up there.

In other news, I started Apprentice Technical Training (ATT) classes on Tuesday, and so far so good. It's all self paced computer training, so I should be done with it by the 13th of June, but I will still be stuck at Great Lakes due to being on Dental Hold, because they are taking forever to get all my dental work done.

It's a pain in the ass, but hey, at least I have a great friend to hang out with, stuff to do, and full liberty privileges... So I should be OK with being here a few extra days, even if I have sun, sand, and beautiful women waiting for me in Pensacola.

So anyways, I think that about wraps it up. I hope that everyone out there is doing well, and I hope I can see those I love and miss again soon.

"May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand." -Irish Blessing

~Ian

Friends

True friends are hard to come by these days. I've met a lot of people, been quite a few places, and through it all, I have met very few people I would consider my friends. In fact, I can count them on one hand.

Some people have lots of friends. Some people feel the need to surround themselves with lots of people and be socially superior and popular. I don't feel that need. In fact, the less people I involve myself with, the better.

I have trust issues. There are only a few people who have earned my trust and managed to keep it for longer than a month or so. Once you lose my trust, it's damn near impossible to get it back. I'm not saying that it's never happened, but it is rare, and I can't think of any specific occasion that it happened.

Now some may think I'm some kind of elitist when it comes to my friends, but a small circle of friends is just how my family has always been. We just don't feel the need to be social butterflies, but are happy with having a few friends. We're picky, and being picky works for us.

Now I went through all that to get to the point of this post. My friends (along with my family) are my rock. They keep me grounded, pick me up when I am down, help me when I need it, support me in whatever I do, and most of all, are there when I need them.

I have been through some rough times in the last few years, and without the friends I have, I would not have made it. They kept me going when I wanted to give up, or kept me on track when I started to wander. They kept me sane when everyone and everything was driving me nuts. Even though I don't see them more than a few times a year anymore... they are only a phone call away. I can't count the times when one of my friends called me up randomly to talk about stuff or I did the same to one of them. It's rare to have that kind of true relationship with someone, especially after several years. I've known two of my best friends for over 10 years, one for 5, and one for 4. And the coolest thing is that we always seem to know when something is up with the other, and just seem to be connected on a level that goes beyond friendship.

I recently found another friend (in a rather unexpected place and person) who it feels like I have known for years instead of months. What's great is that she and I can talk about anything and everything and I can trust her with anything (which if you know me, is something that is hard to come by). It usually takes forever for me to really trust someone and be able to let them inside my head, but she found a way in, and seems to be taking up residence. It will suck when I have to leave Great Lakes for Pensacola, because who knows the next time I will see her after that. (She is Navy as well, and its a big Fleet and the odds of seeing someone you went to Basic or A School with is rare.) Luckily we will still be able to keep in contact, and seeing as I never see my other friends either, it will be just like old times!

I'm lucky to have the friends I do, and to be able to say I have true friends that are like my family. Scratch that, ARE my family. I would not be who I am or where I am with out them. They keep me going, and I thank my lucky stars for them everyday. You make me smile and laugh, listen when I need it, talk when I need it, and are there whenever I need a friend to lean on.

Thank you guys (and gal) for everything. It means more to me than you know.

~Ian